I am just beginning this process. Bklyn is right; it is almost as if H's atty sees he is in MLC. I mean their tactics are absurd and insulting and serve no purpose except to waste time and cost money. H does not seem to be driving this process but who knows????
The best thing you can do is stay focused on the big issues and try not to take it personally. Sounds weird but the legal vortex is at full power and those attorneys are counting on you to be intimidated.
You can do this. These people are not your friends. They are nothing more than hired guns so use that to your advantage. You are more in charge than you realize. You have far more power than you think. Don't let them throw you off your game. YOU CAN DO THIS!
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Your attorney is not at fault because the court has denied your request to do it by phone. At least he put the request out there and now you need to be prepared to go to Ohio. See if you can change your day off from Wednesday to the day of the hearing. At least you'll not lose a day of pay that way. Also, you want to dress smartly, i.e., in a mutual color, and go there w/your head held high. You'll need to leave your emotions at the door and think of this as a business situation that needs to be resolved. You are going to be okay, it's nothing to get upset over.
How did things go today at work?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Btw - if D20 moves out in January, it'd be nice if you could find a roommate who could share rent and also be some help with D12. Maybe a college student or retired single woman?
I was thinking the same thing last night. A college student or a retired single woman would be a great asset and bring in a bit of money, as well as possibly helping w/D12. I know several women who have done this and it's been a success for them in all areas, i.e., including sharing in the upkeep of the home, groceries, etc., and they've become the best of friends in the process.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I got a lot done last night, but it wasn't enough. There's lots more to do.
I wrote my column in the middle of the night. Started work early this morning. Got to head back to the office.
There's this knot in my stomach that is a combination of hurt and anger. ANGER.
D12 needs me and I need to go to work.
I had to cancel the appt with the Superintendent. I will have to reschedule. I just couldn't do it on deadline morning. I was hoping to have the paper wrapped up, but it's not.
Hating Smokey this morning. Hating him alot.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I have a million things to do, but I had some clarity on my way to work this morning.
I need you guys to hear me on this one. I could be a superstar at this company I'm working for. So far, I've started on shaky ground. There is not much room for error here. This next month or two could make or break things for me for the next few years. It would be hard to recover with a set back now.
In other words, I can excuse my early mistakes to being new and the stress of moving, etc...but, that's not going to extend much longer. And, there's this other publication that I desperately want to be a part of.
I have had it with deranged men shidding on my life.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Wow Heather, I can really relate! I know for a fact that the sitch with my W had much to do with the failure of my business. I desperately needed her support to make it work. We talked at length about it before I decided that was the way I was going to go. I made certain she was behind me and all I got from her was how she was all for it. 3 months later after I had invested so much into it and burned other job offers suddenly she wants a D and isn't interested in trying to fix whatever problems we had. I spent the next year trying to find a way to save my M and family while she went on her replay walk-about. I should have been working on my business, spending the time I wasted on her on that. In the end it amounted to nothing, all that energy and time invested in an already lost cause. Since she left she seems to have a sixth sense about the worst time to push things, every time I started to make progress she has found a way to kick me back whether through the legal process or through the kids. It only worked because I let it. I allowed myself to let it get to me, still do in many cases.
Isn't there a way to have your lawyer only show for your hearing? In my state the only time either party must be at the hearing is one of the two parties have to be there for the final decree only. The rest can be done by the lawyers only. I mean he is already asking for more time to do the initial paperwork, how can they even have a hearing without all that being done. Maybe tell your lawyer to ask for a continuance for the next 2 months. It's more important that you concentrate on your job right now. You were the one to file in the first place, I can't see why the court wouldn't grant this especially since you now live so far and you have the kids to take care of. His lawyer knows that it's hard for you to get there, I wouldn't be surprised to find it's just another tactic to try and get you to give in.
Stay strong Heather. I'm also tired of deranged people shidding on my life. The trick is to not let them win. Not having a MLC myself I find it so hard to believe that people can go from being such loving, caring S's to one day make a choice that they want out and become so different, do such horrible things. I mean my W was (is?) one of those people that is so nice to everyone, so afraid to do anything to "offend" another person. The only person she seems to not worry about hurting is me! That says something about them if the only ones they can hurt are those they know love and care for them. That's cowardly in my book.
Heather, you do not have to let Smokey have that much power in your life. Even if you get totally scr@wed over in the divorce (which will probably not happen, although my ex often said that if we both felt like we were getting scr@wed over then the settlement was probably fair - and he was right) - but even if the worst happens and you don't get what you feel is owed to you, that does NOT have the power to derail your job unless YOU let it.
I know it's hard, but you just have to let your lawyer do his work, and stay focused on YOUR life and YOUR work right now. You can do this.
