Does anyone get the impression that LD men might need a something a little more "dramatic" to wake them up? Between annette and luvhubby, I keep thinking that their husband's worlds need to be turned upside down. For some strange reason, their Hs are absolutely confident that their spouses would never leave, therefore they make no effort to change and seem blind to the damage they are inflicting on their spouses. IMHO, they are selfish pricks who don't know what it means to be a partner.
So, stop asking for affection and ask him if he's a committed partner who recognizes that the relationship needs to improve. Buy him a book in the business section on "Great Teams" and have him read that rather than a pastel colored self-help book. The requirements of a great team applies to marriages as well. I would let it be known that the relationship is going to diminish if he doesn't get on board. This means communication. If he doesn't want to work on it, then start removing some of the love languages you give him...ignore him, hire a maid instead of washing things yourself, take a trip with your friends and let him feel what being single is like. This sounds contrary to what the books say but I think guys need to feel pain before they change anything.
I was getting ready to be a WWH. and it's the most terrifying thing in the world...to throw away a peaceful, prosperous lifestyle and possibly alienation from your kids simply because you aren't getting the type of love you want. But these feelings (imho) don't go away or diminish...I tried to make my libido go away over the past 2 years. I thought it was working until it came back with a vengeance in the past 3 months and the years of rejection have caught up with me. Instead of me "taking the hit" and saying "oh, it's my problem". My attitude changed to say "that selfish b!tch, she doesn't listen to my concerns nor address my physicall needs...she's completely using me and if I can't have an intimate relationship with her, then I will find it somewhere else." This was 2 months ago and I nearly had an affair (a really anonymous and interesting one-night-stand thing) but instead of acting upon it, I came home energized to give the marriage an overhaul and see what happens. Fortunately, she committed and has been slowly improving the communication. She too doesn't allow me to bring up old issues so I established way of talking to the "great future where we are snuggling our wrinkled selves next to one-another when we are 70". I established a principal that achieving the vision will require lots of physical affection and negotiated the others. There's an upbeat way to do this. By creating an "inzone", you will see what kind of player & teammate he is. As this becomes more apparent, you might decide that he's ok, or you might decide that he's not worth all the energy you are putting in to carry him (along with the ball). Think about it...if you did carry a teammate to the endzone, would they be dancing with you? Or sleeping on the field?
Sorry for the football metaphor, but it might help you tap into his man mind.
