Confusion is getting better, I think...

[Okabe]

I can be so dense sometimes. Every time I think I am making some progress with detaching I go right back and do something I shouldn't.
This morning we were talking about the holidays and I was mentioning that I was planning on getting myself a laptop after the holidays. She asked if I would like one as a gift. I told her I hadn't thought of it but that I had had a few gift ideas for her this year (we haven't exchanged gifts the last couple of years since there wasn't much either of us wanted and clutter in the house).
As we talked about the holidays I felt good so (against my better judgement) I asked her if she'd like a hug. She told me that she would give me one if I wanted one. I asked: "Well, would you actually like one?" She told me it didn't matter to her. So I left it and said "okay" and didn't give her one.
While it was dumb of me to ask, at least I didn't just glomp on to her and hug her anyways I guess.
This is a process. I at times feel like I am doing better and then I have set backs like this.
At least I didn't let her response devastate me. I accepted it and I backed away. Small victories in failure.