Mozza (5)

[Mozza]

I just had my best night in three months! I didn't wake up with a racing heartbeat because of the S, which is a first. In fact, I was half awake for a few minutes and didn't even think of the S, which is very surprising. Oh, of course, I cried a little a few times during the morning routine, but without the deep sorrow that I usually feel. This trend started last week. Perhaps it's just time healing me?

I see two more potential explanations. First, the fact that OM is planning to move in with my W in January has an unexpected consequence: I see them as leaving the romantic phase and entering routine. It's something my W needs to learn through all this and it's also something I'm less jealous of. Second, I had a fairly long email exchange with my W yesterday, in which she initiated twice and I made her laugh. I have reasons to suspect her OM isn't as witty and she's seeking this with me. I'm still kind of confused about these exchanges. I'm also aware that my mood is still pegged to my W, but I see myself as improving gradually.

I had a good evening with the kids yesterday, cooking as usual, doing my workout with them (they love it), a bit of dancing, etc. I was in a good mood. I hug them a lot and they're very cuddly. I can tell how much they love me and I want to be deserving of this. Today, I can foresee a very good evening, as we're expecting guests with two kids their age.

By the way, I had a realization last evening: I've come up with a list of surprises for my wife that could improve the daily grind (after R), such as leaving notes around, etc. It occurred to me: many of these things, I can do for my kids. Not only is it a good way to practice and become a better person, but it has real, positive impact on my kids.