Last night I had another recurrent dream. The dreams are different but the theme is always the same. H has desire but not for me, its always for some old girlfriend or some other person. So despite what I say about trying to hear his love language and feeling loved, obviously I am not hearing it. I feel unloved and very undesirable.
So I plucked up courage to have another go at communicating to H about how I felt. Sent him an email and told him how desperately I needed some physical loving from him in order to feel loved, secure and connected to him and guess what was his reply?
His reply was You said you will not complain about old problems then you do. I am sure you are going to keep complaining until we end up arguing bitterly. "Old" problem? This is where "acting as if" gets you. H thought that I had accepted things as they were. How could I accept the fact that he did not touch me with passion at all througout this 8 1/2 months pregnancy, no kisses beyond a friendly peck and think that it is ok with me? It is not ok with me. If he feels uncomfortable about it then tell me. I can accept that! He just keeps avoiding the subject. How am I supposed to feel? I feel lousy. Enough venting!
