I have been thinking about you having fear regarding your wife. I know I was there too. But you know what? You can survive that. If you are constantly on pins and needles, living in fear, then how is that living?
I felt as if I had no say. OK,I couldn't stop the divorce but I could control how I viewed it. I could take responsibility for my part but I never accepted that the affair was mine in any way. Shortly after the divorce, he filed for bankruptcy which dragged me into it as well. I felt as if I was taking a beating for a while there. I have come out the other side. All isn't perfect but it is mine to manage. I was scared during quite a bit of it but remember, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
I think you need to stop worrying about what your wife does or doesn't do but how you are taking control of your own situation. It sounds like you have some work to do on your relationships with your kids or at least with d17. Focus on this stuff and you will be amazed how different you will begin to feel about everything. kat
Thanks Kat. You're right. Yes, I'm feeling like I don't have a voice right now in dealing with W. It's hard though, with one day she is crying and insisting I agree to a divorce right now. Then the next day, she's acting like nothing happened, and asking for my help.
The harder part is that Christmas is coming. Our "thing" was that we would kiss each every time the Kay Jewelers commercial came on ("every kiss begins with Kay"). Do you know how many times I've seen that commercial today? Each one a little kick in the gut. And she is getting off Scott free, as she doesn't have tv service.
Thanks for your thoughts. You make me think, as much as it hurts sometimes.
