...Its the sex that lacking and to be honest the other things have waned a little too partly more because we don't make much time for each other but even when we did the sex has been an issue for years. To be honest I think its more about the effort and for him there always seems to be other things to do....disregard the pun!Or maybe thats just an excuse
There are lots of couples who still share intimacy into their 80's and 90's, but in different kinds of ways. There are lots of men who because of prostate cancer surgery are mostly impotent and still maintain a playful, loving, initmate relationship.
What I am trying to say are there things that "you" or "he" might view as "sex" that aren't sex in a traditional sence? Are there things that the two of you could do that would make you feel like you are getting the sex you need, while he gets a nice experience that he enjoys?
There are all kinds of "kinky" things that some view as sex that others don't. Foot fetish, domination/submission, tease & denial. All of these things can involve your orgasming while being "loved" by your H.
I suggest you do a little introspection to see what it is about the sex you aren't getting that you crave? Do you need to bring him to orgasm so you feel womanly? Do you crave sexual release? Do your crave his focusing his attension on you and in stimulating you while you surrender to those feelings? What is it that "sex" means to you and that you crave?
What do you think it is that your H needs and craves or fears. You say he loves to cuddle, kiss and wrestle. Is he so afraid of loosing an erection that he avoids that situation? Is he afraid of suffering a heart attack while making love to you? Does he have an STD that he doesn't want to share with you? Did he do something he thinks is evil and doesn't deserve you?
If he likes to kiss and touch and will get naked, you can observe his barometer of interest. Guys are pretty obvious after a certain amount of kissing and touching. If he rises to the ocasion, and doesn't act on it why? Then again, maybe you should just enjoy the act of getting him to rise to the ocassion and tell him how much that makes you feel close to him and how much it makes you feel like a woman.
Sex therapists are really good at cutting through a lot of the wasted posturing and getting to the core problems in an SSM. There are Sensate focus exercises, and other ways of confronting various problems in a way that allows small steps at success, which can lead to major changes.
Posting here is very theraputic. Finding out what it is that he really needs and really is afraid of is also important. Finding out what it is that you need is also important. When you have the answers to those questions, you can then figure out ways to condition each other to take small steps to rebuild your sexual relationship.
Good luck.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
