"He is in denial, he wants me out of the picture as soon as possible without talking about, addressing any issues. He just want to be done with it and forget it ever happened."
Hi Pink
Hope you and your boys had a great Thanksgiving trip. It may have given H some pause for thought....but of course you having a good time was the main thing. He will do what he will do at the moment.
I completely agree with you on the above quote. That is how it feels with my H and me. Suddenly I feel our marriage has become a huge inconvenience for him and he wants to drop it like a hot coal, marry someone else and have a new family with them. But the bottom line is I am his wife and there isn't much he can do about that for now. I don't think in his mind he regards me as his wife at all any more. I think he just perceives our R to be over, and he has decided how he wants his future life to look (without me in it.)
It is all pretty hard to take. But when you read all of the stuff here, you can see that this is common enough, and that feelings can and do change time and time again.
My H has also talked about the ending of our R with a couple of people and I have found out about this. He hasn't told me it is over. I had a big inner debate on whether to confront him - but decided to leave it. I didn't think any good could come from me opening up that line of talk right now. And if he wants to put on his BBP and tell me, that's up to him!
It is true that your H needs to 'get real.' And there is every likelihood he will at some point. Someone posted somewhere - don't worry so much about the OW...you know how this ends!
We know there isn't much likelihood the A will 'succeed' - the unknown quantity is the timescale. But of course, thinking in this way makes it 'all about him' and for now (as you can't control him) it just needs to be 'all about you - and your family.' It is hard, but it is the only way for now - and possibly for some time.
Slowly, but surely consequences will begin to seep in for your H - regardless of what you do. In fact, you can just 'do nothing' and get on with your life as best you can.
Be patient with yourself on the detachment. We are trying to prise ourselves like barnacles off the person we loved best of all. The person we hoped to always rely on. We can't expect it to happen overnight.
Hugs to you. Toots :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
