Hi Heather,
You are getting some great advice here. Try to remember a few facts....HE cheated on you, that's called adultery and is frowned on by the court. That needs to be brought out in court. It may seem like no one cares about or thinks badly of cheating S's nowadays but it is still taken into consideration by the courts. Also his drug use has cost you and your girls MAJOR amounts of money over the years. He spent YOUR JOINT funds on illegal substances and hurt his kids doing so, time that comes out in court. He isn't giving you the least amount of space. He is hitting you HARD and it's time to hit back. Make sure your lawyer knows that he is a drug user and doesn't hide this fact. The MLC sense of entitlement is ugly and sad and I'm dealing with it myself. He knows that you are stressed and trying to just make it and he KNOWS that what he is doing is hurting you and his kids. He doesn't care about you, it's obvious that he cares little about the kids, all he cares about is himself, time for you to have the same mindset about him.

I feel for you Heather because I'm going through the same sort of thing with my W just when I'm trying to just make it. She acts like the victim, she acts like she is so put upon when it was her choice to end this M, to destroy 20+ years together and makes plenty of money and should be more than comfortable. I'm so sick of the "poor me" attitude of most of the MLCers like Smokey and my W. My W acts like it's my fault that D19 is angry at her, that D14 would rather spend TG with me and her sister than her. Remember, everything bad in their lives is someone else's fault, never a consequence of their own actions. Use what you have learned about the mindset of the MLCer. He abandoned his kids without giving nearly enough support so he could smoke dope and party with teenagers, that is a FACT that needs to be addressed in court. Any questions that they asked for that you don't think you should have to answer (like your parents wills) state that on the form and move on to the next question. He is already asking for more time himself so he's not rushing to get his side done, this is all just a tacit by his horrible, money grubbing lawyer who is the only person happy in this sitch! Let me tell you, as soon as my W started to see that she may not win, she is suddenly wanting to go to mediation which is what we had agreed to do before she went behind my back and hired a lawyer. She knew I didn't have the money and thought she could get away with it because I would be "nice" like I always have been. She thought if she hid the facts I wouldn't bring them out (she didn't bother to tell her lawyer about her student loans or my cashing in my retirements, etc.). Well, if she had stuck with what she had agreed to then none of that would have mattered. Time to take off the gloves.

I really believe that if not for all the other stresses you have now (moving to new state, getting 2 papers out, etc.) this wouldn't be as hard for you to deal with. I know that what makes dealing with the D stuff so hard for me right now is the other stuff (like finding a way to pay the bills) going on around me BECAUSE my W had to run away. In the end, you are the injured party and the court will see this. You are still a hero in my eyes Heather. You have really come a long way from just this past summer. You can and will get through this!