Journaling: Not much to tell about the rest of Sunday. S19 left to go back to school, I did a little Christmas decorating, and that's about it. H and I exchanged a couple of texts about kid calendar for the upcoming week, and he sent me the pictures that he took for the Christmas card.
He asked if we wanted to go get our Christmas tree next Sunday afternoon. I am torn. We have always made the tree a family outing, and the main reason I'd want to do it that way again would be for D12. I am certainly capable of getting a tree on my own, but I don't want to take away her family outing. The reason I wouldn't is because it's feeding his double life of bachelor/duck and happy family, to be toggled at his convenience.
But truthfully, I'm struggling with even that. I know I shouldn't allow his double life but what if I don't care? What if I don't actually want him back and so it's OK with me that we play happy family occasionally for the sake of the kids? If I do decide later that I really want him back, have I done too much damage? I know everyone says don't worry about being friends right now, but this is an ongoing issue for me. It's really easy to be his friend.
