Smart man for taking some time off. I do want to say that I totally agree with you (and I would bet there are some silent others) in regards to this....
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Thanks for your response. As I wrote, I'm sure your intentions are good. Also, I don't mind the differences of opinion, otherwise I wouldn't be here or speaking to anybody, content that I'd be with my own opinion.
I wrote "The way you express your opinion is hurting me." The content is not hurtful. You've asked for examples. I won't repeat the one from about a week ago where you suggested that my W thought I was a loser and thank g*d she had OM. This is very hurtful and can be conveyed much more gently. If I don't agree with you, it is no reason to resort to such lengths.
Michelle also agrees that if you have a therapist you should feel comfortable with them. I would say that would also mean people on her site that are trying to help you.
I don't believe you felt heard and I do believe you felt hurt. I can certainly understand why and I was thinking the same things you were. So you are not alone in how you felt.
Michelle says..
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You should feel as if your therapist respects you and that your thoughts and feelings are being acknowledged.
(I didn't see your feelings and thoughts acknowledged)
Michelle also says.... You Are the Experts, You Set the Goals.
You must determine what you hope will happen as a result fo seeking therapy, not you therapist.
Michelle says this: The reason I am emphasizing that YOU must identify what you want to change is that some therapists will make that determination for you if you don't.
She goes on to say... Sometimes therapists suggest that you should change something that you don't find problematic. Other times therapists suggest that what you consider the real root of your problem requires focusing on something you find extraneous irrelevant or UNCOMFORTABLE. If something doesn't feel right to you, it isn't. Discuss your feelings immediately with your therapist and, if you don't feels understood, get yourself another therapist.
Michelle also says (all of her quotes in bold)(all in DB book)..
Therapy Needn't Be Very Painful
She goes on to say... Another reason traditional therapy can be uncomfortable is that a trademark of many of these approaches is confrontation. The therapist BOLDLY confronts clients about behavior considered self-destructive or unproductive. Sometimes these attacks occur BEFORE a person is willing to deal with an issue or are totally inconsistent with a person's self-concept. Naturally, this harsh and dissonant feedback is disturbing and, in my experience, rarely effective in helping a person change. Typically, one digs one's heels in deeper when feeling attacked.
She also says... confrontation is NOT necessary during the therapy. Most people take the initiative to address issues and concerns they are willing to change. If they don't raise certain issues, it's because they are not willing or ready to deal with them. Therapists should RESPECT people's intuitive sense of direction and self-protection and follow their client's lead.
Mozza, I would have felt the same things you felt. I just wanted you to know that you were not alone. Remember, the vets are not always correct and it is ok to question them just as Michelle says it is ok to question any therapists methods.
