the dress is on its way to the UK now - well insured; still can't believe I spent so much on a dress - but funnily enough I don't feel guilty in the slightest .... and this from a gal who used to feel guilty spending a couple $ on a 3pk of knickers .... terrible that i lived that way. I will let you all know when I decide its my Happy Day.
As for interests - childhood ones - yeah, now we are opening up a can of worms.
My M totally dominated my childhood - I did the clubs/activities she felt I should attend, had no friends and lived a very reclusive life.
At 13 she said to me " you're not clever and your not pretty; what [b]are[/b ]we going to do with you". That was pretty much how I saw myself after that.
At 16 she decided I should leave school - without telling me - so she found a job as a nanny/slave on the other side of the country and when I came home one day she told me I was leaving the next day as it was my only chance of becoming something. So off I went - lived and worked on a farm in the middle of nowhere for 2yrs.
Returned home at 18, met a guy who was staying at my parents b&b, M told me that I needed to sleep with him if I wanted to keep him - as really I have nothing else going for me -
So after a really bad experience with him, met another guy, lovely lovely guy, but not a keeper, which lead to meeting this young, hot, sexy fireman, completely took my breath away. We were both 19, moved in together after a week of dating, engaged 8 weeks later, married a couple days after his 21st.
My M was shocked I bagged such a great, loving, caring guy who worshipped me. She died 14yrs ago, but before she did, she apologised for all she did/said to me through my childhood. She told me that she never expects me to forgive her, but wanted to me know that it wasn't my fault, I did nothing wrong to warrant her behaviour towards me.
It took me years of being bitter, negative and angry with her before I just woke up one day (this year) and said "enough now". I wrote her a letter saying all the things I felt, then ended it by saying thank you to her for making me the person I am today - strong and resilient. I then burnt some toxic letters she had written, I kept the ashes and bought a bunch of her favourite flowers. H and I went to the beach (her ashes were scattered out at sea) I read the letter out loud, put the letter ash into the waves to be returned to her and then placed the flowers in the surf to be taken to her too.
And that was it - never looked back. I feel nothing but love for her now, I let go of all the negative and only see the positive.
So back to your question - childhood interests - didn't have any of my own so I really have no clue - according to my mum I was useless at everything .... BTW I do know that that is not the case.
This whole sitch with my h has ended up as a voyage of discovery for me - obviously I wish it was with H, but to be really honest here ... and I don't know how you will all react to this declaration ... but I don't think I would have been doing/thinking any of the things I am if we were still together.
H leaving me completely blew my world apart, he threw me off a cliff - I can either plummet to the ground or learn how to fly .... I am currently flapping like mad to try and stay away from the ground ...but one day, I will fly and enjoy the world I live in.
Just added another one on to the list - to ride on the back of a Harley. Never been on a bike in my life. My Travel list is now so long I need a lotto win to achieve it lol.
I hope with all my heart that h finds his way back to me, I love him so deeply, even after all the things he has done and is still doing. I can't imagine being with anyone else. We have been through so much over the years, to stumble now is really heartbreaking. I don't know what happened, where it all came from and why he left without wanting to try and fix us first - if this is MLC it explains everything.
I would love him to meet Lou 2.0 one day - who knows, he may fall in love all over again
Phew - chills, I don't really talk about my m and my childhood.
