Need help. Jefe wants to change himself. Pt 7

[Jefe]

It sounded to me like W was going about her business, she decided she wanted this and not that, and didn't much care if you were inconvenienced. And when you asked her to help after she dropped them off (because she "wants Sundays") she said she didn't want to "hang around".

Presumably because you're there?

Yes. Exactly. She has not much cared if I'm inconvenienced for the last 3 months. I don't think it has so much to do with me being here at all, she's got this thing about not wanting to be around the house. It's just one of those things I don't understand.

It could sound like you're insinuating that she doesn't have a handle on things, when I think you were just trying to make sure the lunches were covered.

It wasn't even that bad. We both came to the realization that we were unprepared for this first time Sunday night thing. We bot agreed we will have it covered next time. The anger from her did not come until later when I asked her to stay tomorrow morning and help get them ready. Like she did the entire month of Aug. I didn't think I was asking for something that would make her angry. I know now.

Jefe, PLAN on her dropping the ball.
YOU make sure to be prepared so you don't get caught short.
That way you don't get angry at her for letting you down while you continue to get things done.

She has let them down time after time. I am now at the point that I never tell the girls when she is going to come over or be somewhere with them until I have absolute conformation.

I usually have everything covered, I just didn't think this Sunday night thing through until this morning and by then it was too late.

No. It's not fair. But unfortunately, you sort of have to act like a single father right now.
She's not going to be as responsible as you'd like, and you're going to have to pick up more of the slack. It's what happens.
Most of our WAS don't get awards for "Parent of the Year" while they're in whatever fantasy-land they're living in.

So you plan on doing it.
Only because if she doesn't do it, someone has to.

And that's you, Super-Dad.

What pains me the most is she's an awesome mom. She has been an absolute gem of a mother to these children. I cannot wrap my head around whats going on in her's right now. All she seems to think about at the moment is her. My wife would never have not been prepared for these girls. She has NEVER not done what she said she was going to do before the separation.

And thank you, GGG, but I hardly feel like super dad right now. I feel so incapable some days. It's all I can do some mornings to just get up out of bed and put my shoes on let alone put on a PMA face for my girls so I can tackle caring for them, trying to work, taking care of the house, the fish, the dogs, the guinea pigs, do the dishes, the laundry, homework, bathe the kids, take care of my Grandmother, keep up with everyone's cars, oh and try and GAL somewhere in there. ..I'm so overwhelmed sometimes.

I'm doing the best I know how to do. And yes, I get a little resentful when my wife is out playing like she is 23 again and yet, dammit, I love her.

And I tell you what, if it wasn't for all of you on these forums, I would have collapsed back in September. So this Thanksgiving I am grateful for God, my children and these DB forums, and my wife too.