Emotionally drained from this weekend. Still upset from seeing H at Thanksgiving. He really, really needs help with his anger. No one believes me with how angry he gets, because I'm the only one who sees it/has it directed at me. Was hoping that it would show at H 's IC session I attended last week, but later learned H's IC coached him on not showing his temper to make it a "safe and respectful" environment. General consensus is to leave him alone and he will calm down. However, 17 years of pent up anger doesn't just go away all on its own. And when a simple conversation triggers it? It's not like I'm poking the bear on purpose. I'm responding to a text message.
In addition, dropped a nice chunk of change at the vet office on Friday. Youngest dog suddenly had serious aggression issues towards our other dog Thursday and Friday. Vet wanted to know if there had been any changes in the household. Told her H had unexpectedly moved out and he was "the person" for the dog showing aggression. She said dog viewed H as alpha, and he's no longer there, dog is picking up on my weakened emotional role and trying to assert himself as alpha over everything. So, blood work for everyone, and doggie boot camp, restructuring the. Household, etc to try and stop this.
Feel like a failure not only as a wife but as a pet mom.
Sent H a text about the situation. Told him exactly what the vet said. H asked how he could help with the dogs. Took everything I had not to say, "fix your [censored], so we can fix our [censored] and come home."
Funeral on Saturday where I unexpectedly had to speak. Pulled something together quickly and it was well received. H did not go. I spent a fair amount of time at the wake afterwards evading questions about where H was, and hearing how beautiful our wedding was, how great my H is because "he's just so calm and happy all the time." people wanting us to visit them. And people complementing me on my weight loss (stepped on scale at moms house on turkey day, horrified to see I've lost 30 pounds in 11 weeks) - saying, "whatever you're doing keep doing - it's certainly agreeing with you."
I smile, and say "oh just a change in diet and lifestyle."
Ugh.
And I need to detach because I know H is having thanksgiving with his family today. Worried about him safely driving the distance due to the side effects of his meds. Worried that his parents are going to encourage him to file and not work on our R, as they believe a majority of the blame falls on me. He values and craves his parents approval. Wonder if I'll get thrown under the buss (even more than I already have with them) for the sake of him obtaining their approval.
Blah.
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15
