Wife walked away (4 months ago now) thread 3

[BigMac]

Zueus,

That's a great way of looking at it. Looking at her actions (or at least 50% of her actions) and knowing that she is who she is.

She can attempt to change that person, but that will take lots of time.

[SunnyB]

I have a long road ahead, but its been 5.5 months. I'm hoping in another 5.5 it gets even easier.

I wonder where we will all be in 5.5 months. Seems like a long time.

[BigMac]

rppfl,

Looking at the general status of the board, improving ourselves, feeling better and detached, but most likely on the road to divorce

The mind of a WAS is a crazy one.

[BigMac]

Contact update,

So my WAW is back in our old town for a couple days for work. They have her in a hotel that is around the corner from the flat I rented for her while she went to school.

She text's me today from the City saying "Being in the City hurts my heart, it's odd"

I reply asking "how so"

She replies "Just don't have good memories"

We go back and forth a little bit, and I give her an affirmation (probably just short on her narcissistic supply) and then she thanks me, I say your welcome and hope you feel better.

Push Pull dynamic in full effect.

[BigMac]

Journaling,

The past couple days have been focused on introspection. Remembering what I did, Remembering what she did. And most importantly reflecting on the growth that has occurred (mostly on my side frankly).

A lot of this has been triggered by the re-introduction of my WAW into my life on her end through the process of co-parenting. There are feelings that rise up out of my chest that frankly I would prefer not to feel. They are painful, and similar to the feelings that I felt when she left.

I did a lot of thinking back to the pain, the anguish that both she caused and I caused. It's funny, if the person I am now me the person I was then.... well I would have so much to say.

I wish I had the skills back then to be a better husband, I wish I would have had the strength to change myself, and I wish have had the strength to leave her when I realized she was done with the marriage (years ago) and not put up with years of the pain of a one sided relationship.

It takes two to make a relationship work, and only one to end it. I was attempting the impossible.

[BigMac]

Update,

So if any of you are divorcing a WAW please read everything you can on divorcing a Narcissist.

A couple days ago I received a big fat stack of discovery paperwork with all sorts of allegations inferred in them.

Last night however we sat down together and said what would that look like if we just nailed down what we wanted. I think in a two hour session we were able to come to pretty close to settlement agreement.

No lawyers, just common sense.

She is scared, spending more money then she makes. And lashing out to fix her situation.

[BigMac]

Update,

We have sent off our agreed upon items to the lawyer to get them drafted. I don't know if she'll flip before then

As I stated from the beginning, a divorce decree is just a piece of paper.

One interesting voice text from this morning from the WAW (or STBX) is that she can't wait for this portion to be over so we can finally just talk.

[Mozza]

A very interesting text, indeed. Anyway, just stopping by to say that many of us are reading your sitch and are grateful for the updates. Good luck.

[sandi2]

One interesting voice text from this morning from the WAW (or STBX) is that she can't wait for this portion to be over so we can finally just talk.

just talk = be friends

[BigMac]

Mozza : Thanks for letting me know people are still looking. I sometimes feel that since my sitch took a turn towards divorce and I have come to terms with the new direction my life is going that people have moved focus onto threads that have more "hope"

Sandi : I hate to say it, (and maybe this is part of "dropping the rope") but I am perfectly happy with having a friendly relationship with the mother of my S9.

At the beginning of this process I was so lost. I thought the world would end if I didn't spend it with my W. You know what's crazy. Life goes on, every day is better then the last. I don't need anybody but myself right now, and that is perfectly fine.

And I know that when I am ready, I may find someone new. But for the time being I'm perfectly fine finding myself.

Also, this past couple months in Tx I have gotten more and more insight into my WAW. (spending more time interacting together). The reality is that she is a hot mess. Her life is a mess, her emotions are a mess, SHE is a mess. This is the same person in the same state that we separated in. She hasn't progressed in the 7 or 8 months since we split.

I have. I've healed, I've grown, my future is ahead of me, not behind me.

And I hate to say it, but I feel like for her the best part of her life may have already passed.