Sandi asked a few questions, maybe go back and see if you can answer those?
I have one--why are you already selling the house and going through finances and all that? How did that come about and is it what YOU want?
As for the W going out, supposedly to see OM, one of the first things you can do is make sure YOU are going out and let her wonder about where you are and what you're doing.
Maybe when she gets home, you're not there.
As for her asking "If you mind if she goes out". Do you KNOW that she's going to see OM? Did she used to go out a lot in the past? Is she getting home in the middle of the night/morning?
Is this a new thing since OM came on the scene?
I think it was Starsky who had some serious boundaries with that. Something like: He locked the doors and turned off all the lights after a certain hour.
You don't have to give your "okay". IS that in accordance with your personal values?
When she asks, you can simply say: "You are an adult. You don't need my permission to make your choices."
And then shut it down and walk away.
Be sound asleep or out when she gets home. Be happy in the morning and make yourself a great breakfast. Be upbeat, as if you had a party at your house in her absence and you're thinking about how much fun you had all the next day.
Once you can start changing your attitude, she will notice. Don't expect anything to be different, except for her to wonder what's up with you and why you aren't acting like she expects you to.
Hang in there, eleven. It takes work to do this DBing. And lots of practice.
---(G)GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
