I can't for the life of me think how he could prove you destroyed the home to destroy marital assets. That's an asinine and childish accusation if ever I heard one. And also a legal maneuver if I ever saw one. Don't be in a hurry for settling that one. Time is your friend when it comes to such things.
As if he left you in the care of the home while he was away and was wronged... Sheesh.
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For some reason, I was able, while listening, to see Smokey's desperation in all this and I calmed down.
And, I didn't spread the panic to D12. I calmed down and realized, we will take this one step atta time and put things into place as we have been
Yep, Likely that the further you get distance, the more you'll see the antics for what they are.
Seems like you have enough going on without his drama added. You seem to be dealing with regular work and family stuff - a little stressful perhaps, but normalcy would be a nice change
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I need more time. There is no way I can preserve my sanity AND have everything in place by December 15.
And, I receive about a million letters from my atty each day...giving me the correspondence from Smokey's atty.
The last one said, Smokey is asking for a motion to leave to answer? He needs more time to produce documents and respond to the first set of interrogatories.
What's that mean? Does this mean he is asking for more time too.
I need to call my atty on Monday...which is my deadline.
I'm angry and sick of this and hate him.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather, I'm so sorry that he continues to throw crap at you. He's trying to imply that you destroy the home, i.e., in most cases that means holes in the walls, toilets destroy, vanities destroyed, flooring destroyed, etc. If I know you, there were none of these things that went on. You had to keep your home clean in order to homeschool. From the photos that you had on your website, the outside of your home looked good and certainly no siding was destroyed. He left you holding the bag and w/very little income coming in. My question would be...how did he expect you to keep the home up if there was no money coming in? If it hadn't been for your neighbors loaning you a mower and your friend coming over and helping out a bit, you would be up the creek w/o a paddle. As a mother of two and attempting to work from home, you did the best you could.
Now, about all of the correspondence from your lawyer, it sounds like your h and his lawyer are doing this to get you to scream enough and just agree to everything just to get them to do away. Don't do it.
Yes, the motion to leave is requesting more time to respond to the interrogatories. I don't know what he has in the way of documents and receipts when you handled a large majority of that type of stuff at home.
No, you don't hate him, you hate what he's doing and what his attorney is doing. It's an ugly process and believe me, there were days when I thought I was nuts, but I stood my ground, just as you should.
The drama is unfolding and the bottom line, it's all about money to your h and he doesn't want to give you one red cent for nothing. For every time he's in contact w/you and the girls, there comes another letter w/something to rattle you. They are only nice when they want something or when they are up to no good.
As for work, you put in a lot of time last week. Hopefully things will settle down, but for now, you've got to find a way to keep your focus on your job when you are working. I know, the drama keeps on rolling in and it's upsetting...but you need this job more than anything right now.
Come here and ask questions about the divorce process. Many of us have been thru it and can tell you what you may expect.
No, you are not crazy, but he's doing a darn good job of driving you to the crazy train. Don't let him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm going to church with D12 at 4. That will help I will put it out there that I need some support from the homeschool community.
My neighbors, family were over on the day we moved out. Some were over after we left. I think I could get them to say the house looked like a house that was in the process of moving. It did.
There were things wrong with the the house that were wrong BEFORE he left. I tried to make the best of it.
I'm not going to sweat that one. At least I see where he and his atty are headed. Smokey is obviously, or his parents, are obviously very convinced that Smokey was wronged.
The family's big dark secret of drug addiction is reaching its climax and I can see my MIL's hand all over this petty stuff. She is the matriarch. If I'm right, it means Smokey hasn't really changed at all throughout all this...he is still a scared little boy being led by his very bitter, very petty, very childish mother.
I find it interesting, though, his desperation to reach out to the kids right now. Yes, he knows me very well. And it goes both ways. I need to use this hard-earned knowledge of all things Smokey. My instincts are awesome when it comes to him. I knew about Skank living with him months before he admitted it.
What the sorta sudden and frantic reaching out to the girls tells me..especially since he is trying with D20...that he hasn't told his family and atty the whole truth about his abandonment. It appears to me like Smokey trying, in the 9th inning, to clear away some rubbish has left in the road. He's trying to make nice so, hopefully, the truth of complete absence in his kids' lives will go undetected.
In addition, he may not use those text messages I sent recently or show them to his atty. Why? I brought up things I know Smokey doesn't want out there. His MIA status and his drug use. IF he showed those to his atty, he will have to address those issues and prepare a defense.
If there's one thing we can count on with Smokey...it's failing a drug test...especially when he's stressed.
He's scared right now. And, my shutting down, D20 shutting him down...he's probably a bit squirrelly right now. I sense he is entrenched with his parents in order to maintain his "Poor Smokey" stance. That means he has to BE around his parents. Smokey can't take too much of them. IMHO, THEY are the reason we are in this mess to begin with.
I need to Keep Calm and Carry On.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I'm not sure if this has been overlooked before, but I'd like to bring a new argument to the table. It's probably because this is an issue near and dear to my heart. I lost my 46 year old brother 2 weeks ago, due to health complications from his 30 year drug habit. It's been traumatic for everyone in our circle of friends and family. The resounding prayer from everyone is their hope that my bro finds the peace that he never found in this life.
That being said, being the sibling of a person with a drug addiction is an unfortunate thing I know really well. It destroys family relationships. They are quintessential liars and their need to lie is so pervasive in their mentality that it is comical yet diabolical. Those that have never been close to it just do not and cannot understand. Any truths they *do* hold are watered down (and justifiably) with the lies that rule their lives. Lying allows them to continue their lives. They lie to get what they need and want. It becomes so entwined with their personalities that the truth is often packaged in a bundle of lies. For one reason: to protect themselves.
It IS your responsibility and right to defend your family against this way of life. If I were in your shoes, I'd trump every charge he's made against you with the addiction charge. Pull up articles (there are many) on how they deal with society to protect themselves. It really svcks that you'd have to resort to this, but honestly, I'd show up at any fight with an arsenal of guns. And my AK47 would be his addiction. And then I'd sit back and watch him squirm.
For his way of life will rob you of any joy or trust in humanity if you allow him to have that position. I know that from experience. I can't remember well a time in my life where my brother's addiction wasn't causing problems in my extended family. When he wasn't using, he was kind, generous and funny. But when he was, he was a thief, felon and vile person.
Google the effects of addiction on families and go for the jugular. You'll win. But you can't be side tracked by his humanity in the equation. He's counting on getting his way. Why? Because he will do whatever is necessary to get it. It's the addict's mantra to manipulate others so they can do what they need to survive.
Have a peaceful weekend, okay?
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Yeah...I am with Bets. You're going to need all the ammo in your battle against Smokey. To borrow from Starsky, there's a reason for the v. between the parties.
In order to do this right, I need some time to prepare. I'm not going to be able to produce a newspaper, start another newspaper AND produce layers of truth to support his drug addiction. His parents are as ensconced in protecting his disease as anyone I've ever known. My mother has been a substance abuse counselor for 35 years. I've seen a lot.
One therapist said, about my inlaws, it will take some tragedy of some kind to budge them from their denial. It's very thick. Smokey has always walked the line between the truth (us/his family) and his parent's denial. This time, he went full blown over into the denial.
How do I give myself some time to gather what's needed and sort through all this.
D12 HAS to be my first priority.
Then, my job. I DO NOT WANT to lose out on this other newspaper I was hired to edit. The other one is the lucrative one. I'm on tenuous ground right now with all the careless mistakes I made this first two months. I NEED to focus on this paper to make a decent product in the next two months and set myself up for the best position.
I also need to handle this month of December financially. I simply don't have the money to pay the bills.
I see what Smokey is doing. I can handle it, but not on his timetable. He is, ironically, smoking me out by keeping me in a position of want and desperation financially.
Last edited by LoisB; 11/30/1406:11 PM.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I could sense Smokey was waivering a bit in his denial. He is on very shaky ground right now. That's why I appealed to him and asked him to face the truth.
He is in too thick now. He has spun so many lies now, I'm certain he is unclear about what's the truth and what's not.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I gave him an opportunity to do the decent thing. He failed me and the kids again. He is determined...or, at least his atty and his family is...someone is determined. So, we will do it this way.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
