Confusion is getting better, I think...

[Okabe]

25yearsmic,
I missed a lot of what you wrote again (kindle doesn't scroll through the quote box) but I am on the regular computer now.
About me listing all of the things I do in support and whether I think she's lazy.
I didn't mind doing more things around the house and when she needed the extra help due to her shoulder (and even now for school) that's okay. BUT when the kids are on summer vacation and just hanging around the house and she is playing her online video game throughout the day and I come home from work to cook dinner and I have to clean for half an hour so I can start and I ask her what she did that day and she says "not much, played games, took a bath" then, yeah I get annoyed by that. I don't expect her to be a perfect housekeeper or anything like that, but to help would be nice.
As far as doing the Scorecard you mentioned:
You're right. I need to stop it. I am hurt, angry, sad, and scared right now. So I mentally lash out (I don't say these things to her) and list all that I do to try to justify myself as being a nice guy and her as fault too. I need to stop that. It's not productive and you're right in that she's probably got one one me just as bad or worse.
Online gaming: She plays MMOPG's (Massive Multi Online Player Games: think World of Warcraft as the most popular example). She plays on her computer which is in the living room with a headset on. She now has er own computer gaming/ work station which is where she spends 80% of her day. It is in the living room so she is accessible to everyone while she does her school work or plays her games. She started about 7 or 8 years ago and got quite involved with them. At first it became a problem where she would easily log 12 hours a day on the computer (in the living room with a headset on) playing these games. I confronted her about how much she was playing a few times, but it had no real impact until my older son Who was 6 or 7 at the time felt like his mom cared for the game more than him. She then cut her playing back and would only play after the kids went to bed. I go to bed early (because I work really early) so she will be playing when I go to bed and will come in sometime between 12:30 and 3am (I get up for work at 3:30- 4 am). Now that the boys are older she will play during the day (when she's not in school) while the boys are busy playing their own games or watching tv. Do I feel like this has an impact on our relationship? Probably. To what extent I don't know. I gave up fighting her about it because I know it was a place she got some social time with adults.
Her recovery for her shoulder is pretty good now post surgery and PT. She doesn't have full range of motion, full strength back, and it can get a little stiff, but otherwise she is doing well.
I suppose, much like the Scorecard, the history is just that and I need to give it a rest. You are right in that I need to work on solution focused things now, rather than dwelling on the past.
Why did I marry her?
She is someone I enjoy spending time with. We laughed together and had fun together. She is a loyal, caring, compassionate person.
I have more to write, but I have to go now as my younger son just woke up.
Thank you for your perspectives. They have given me things to think about in regards to myself and how I approach our M.