Ok, that was a major relief. After Monday's convo with W, I was sure our divorce would have the terms finalized today. 3 days of thinking about what to say and an upset stomach for nothing!
So after Monday's convo with W where she pushed me for the divorce, we had only a few financial items to finalize our agreement. I asked her on Monday to give me a day to think about it - pushing it off for a day worked! When I went today to W's place to pick up s13, there was no mention of our divorce or anything related to it.
On Monday night W texted me to pray for a girl (who we knew from the old neighborhood) who was going in for emergency surgery the next day. We have seen God do amazing things when we pray together, so I said I would pray for the girl. And so, today all I spoke about with my W was the details of Thanksgiving schedules and the update on the girl who we prayed for (she is still not doing well). It was so easy.
I wish I would learn this lesson that often times the things which stress me out the most oftentimes don't result in what I fear. Of course, the problems with my W continue, but for today I can put these problems aside.
A little self-observation from my dealing with W's telling me she wants the divorce on Monday, and that "I owe her". It's amazing how much I wanted to give her what she wanted, even if it was a divorce that I don't want.
I do the same thing with my children. Yesterday my s13 tells me he wants a $20 PS4 gift card for Madden football's 'Cornucopia' special. I'm learning to just say 'no'.
------------ So I'm a big 1980's music guy (the best decade of music ever). Yesterday, I revved myself up to just say NO to my W by listening to John Parr's 'St. Elmo's Fire (Man in Motion)'. Here's the lyrics:
Growin' up, you don't see the writing on the wall Passin' by, movin' straight ahead, you know it all But maybe sometime if you feel the pain You'll find you're all alone, everything has changed.
Play the game, you know you can't quit until it's won. Soldier on, only you can do what must be done You know in some way you're a lot like me You're just a prisoner and you're tryin' to break free
I can see the new horizon underneath the blazin' sky I'll be where the eagle's flying higher and higher Gonna be your man in motion, all I need is a pair of wheels Take me where my future's lyin', St. Elmo's fire
Burning up, don't know just how far that I can go (Just how far I go) Soon be home, only just a few miles down the road I can make it, I know, I can You broke the boy in me but you won't break the man
I can see a new horizon underneath the blazin' sky I'll be where the eagle's flying higher and higher Gonna be your man in motion, all I need is a pair of wheels Take me where my future's lyin', St. Elmo's fire
I can climb the highest mountain, cross the wildest sea I can feel St. Elmo's fire burnin' in me, burnin' in me
Just once in his life a man has his time And my time is now, and I'm coming alive.
I hope y'all enjoy this song as much as I do. Of course, you have to also think of Emelio Estevez kissing Andie McDowell to make the scene complete. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.
I love finding songs I can relate to. I often opened or included them in my threads like you have done here. I'm so glad the words of this song spoke to you.
Keep on enjoying life and you never know what may happen.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Thanx FY, there is something special about songs that can reach into our souls, isn't there?
I went to my parent's house for Thanksgiving, and I had d20, d17 and s13 with me. My W did a classy act. She came in and visited with my family when dropping off d17. Things were frosty between my family and W during my surgery 2 months ago, when I asked that she not be there. But W was very friendly and chatted with a number of family members, and my family was also friendly.
I went into the other room where the guys were watching the football game. And W came in sitting next to me, wearing a nice black dress and beautiful maroon nail polish. She said she went and hung out with some of her old high school friends last night at the bar where we met. She commented one of the sweet quiet girls from high school went crazy last night - I didn't ask for any further details. Then she said a bar fight broke out (very unusual for this suburban bar), and one of the patrons was sitting at the bar near to them, and he had a beer bottle smashed on his head! W tried to convince to call an ambulance, and all he could say was "I just want to go home."
My parents had 30 people show up for Thanksgiving, and it was nice to see family members I have not seen in a while. Really nice being around those who love and support me (and to eat some great food!)
I am thankful for many things. But I am really grateful to have gotten thru Thanksgiving without any further talk of divorce after Monday's discussion with W.
What a fun thing to do today! I have a bunch of Christmas village pieces, and I set up a table and unpacked all of the boxes. I'm going for the two, possibly three level effect. It's time for my creative side to come out in having them all fit together. It literally gave me shivers as I opened each box.
My W gave me the Christmas village pieces when she moved to her new place last July, saying she had no room to store them. I can see why she would not want the village pieces, as they are packed of memories of our old life together. Every year at this time of year, we would go on a trip to a beautiful, fun small town. It was the town we went to on our honeymoon. And it had the best small shops, including a great shop which sold the Christmas village pieces, along with special Christmas tree ornaments.
So my favorite piece is the 'Naughty or Nice Detective Agency'. We also had the ice rink skating rink, but I can't find that right now. That would be the piece de resistance, to make this all come together. I think I have a new tradition to do on the day after Thanksgiving.
My wife and I have the Simpson's Christmas village set. Homer falling off the ladder while hanging lights on their home, Moe's tavern, the Nuke power plant, the pile of burning tires... is that bad?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY, a Simpson's Christmas village? It sounds hilarious.
S13 stayed the long weekend with me. He woke up with a sore throat, so I suggested orange juice, and other less sugary hi-vitamin C drinks but he wouldn't try a thing. He texted W and said he was sick, and she was already out driving (weird?, She loves sleeping in on the weekends. Unless she was coming back from somewhere... I'm not going there.) and she came and picked him up. An unexpected end to my time with s13.
S13 was home sick today, and in the afternoon I received a call from W asking a favor. D17 had an orthodontist appointment, and W didn't want to leave s13 home alone (this is new, and a change in a good direction). So I agreed to take d17 to her appointment.
The ride is over a half hour there, so I had some much needed time with d17. No, there is nothing on her Christmas list. No, there were no Christmas movies she had to see - she has already watched 'Elf'. Not a flowing convo, but that will take time.
D17 came to my van after her appointment with me having a heated discussion with my Mom, where she hung up on me - my Mom loves me and we never have fights. But d17 thought it was funny, which led to a discussion of her 'Nana' having a quick flare temper, and that you will know when she is mad. D17 then mentioned that Mom/W has the same sort of quick flare temper, but she has such a bad memory that its always forgotten by the next day. I thought to myself except for me, except for me.
W was so grateful for me taking d17 to her appointment she offered me some Beef Stew which she was making. I thankfully accepted - W always packs her stew with lotsa vegetables, and its a cold day, so I really wanted it, err, the stew.
When I brought d17 back to W's place, I went up to W's place and it was a disaster. Shopping cart in hallway. Shin high bags, boxes, items falling out of a closet, made it a difficult walk in her place (I'm still wearing my neck brace, and so its difficult seeing where I walk). W laughed it off, saying "welcome to the combat zone". I said nothing, and just smiled the whole time there.
The stew was delicious and I texted W another 'thank you'. She texted back saying that she was glad I liked it. Not very exciting but that is my R with W right now.
