Today was a very important religious ceremony and celebration for my cousins daughters. This cousin is like a sister to me; her daughters were the flower girls at my wedding. Our entire extended family was there.
So, to recap:: A) I asked to speak to my D on t'giving. H said, "I'll try, but I doubt it will work, but don't think that I didn't try" (he never called)
B) and despite that, he texted me last night to ask when would be a good time for HIM to speak to D today-- the day of this very important religious celebration for MY family.
C) he also emailed me *today* a summary of schedule changes, and a reminder of our mediation meeting next week with a proposed agenda.
Let me give you context for today: it's an important religious ceremony-- a time for family to get together. I'm sitting with my D watching m cousin and her family. ..imagining my own daughters ceremony in 9 years, and how she won't be able to stand with her intact family (nor any siblings) behind her. I'm watching my cousin (my matron of honor), and her daughters, my flower girls, at this family celebration, and I keep tearing up thinking of my daughter's broken family. I'm listening to my daughter ask me, "where's daddy? Why isn't daddy here?" And I don't know how to answer her.
I'm seeing extended family who don't ask me anything, but know something's up... I forgot to put on my ring, and my H wasn't at t'giving last year either.
This was in many ways a very painful, emotional day. My H emails, "I hope you had a fun time at the party. Here's what I think we should discuss at mediation on Friday. .."
I just had to vent a bit, I'm sorry. I don't know how to keep standing, or to forgive him for doing this to our D. I don't know how i would ever love this cold-hearted man again.
