A Lifetime Movie Starring GB #11

[Georgiabelle]

Okay I'm ready to confess as best I can on this board. My behavior has bothered me and I'm a little concerned about veering from my true self. As a result, I have decided to steer clear of males I'm attracted to (only been 1) and just focus on me and the kids.

So for those of you following along, I did have a very intense physical encounter with HG. He mentioned as I was leaving that he was still confused and again, every conversation was like a chess match with me. I should point out that HG is very strangely honest. Very literal. He is funny-however a bit different than most of my other guy friends. A few days after our encounter-I passed right by him. He was looking at me and I just ignored him. I don't know why. I just did. I didn't feel embarrassed-think I was more surprised I did that with him. He immediately texts me asking if I was mad at him. I said no and a woman who LOATHES lying fibbed. I said I didn't see him which was technically true because I wouldn't look his way and I KNEW he was there. I just ignored him. He said. " you walked right past me." I just said "really? I didn't see you." Shame on me.

Last Saturday night I had margaritas with my best friend. I rarely drink. 1 drink I'm fine. 2 is getting iffy and 3 is going down a water slide into a ginormous pool of stuff. I had 3. I sent him a text (genuine) that I was sorry that I was so confusing at this point. Normally I'm not and that we just happened to meet at an unusual time in my life. (Yes- I know I should not have done this via text). He asked why did I think it was a bad time and why was I so confusing to him? I essentially said that I didn't want to want anyone, want anyone to want me and I'm perfectly happy with my 16 foot wall around me. And that things got weird when we actually had $ex ( I don't know how to describe this but it was like he was totally admiring me and I felt weird???) I wasn't a w$&re and wtf was he even talking to me because he was hot, 10 years younger and I had 3 kids and a nutty ex husband. I told him I had been with only a few people and it was like he was an adult film star. I was sorry I had $ex with him and could we pretend this didn't happen. Oh and I just want to be friends. He said "GB, I'm just working to tonight." I then said "okay so we agree this was a mistake." I actually thought "I'm no longer attracted to him. " Until Tuesday, when he texted me and he was normal. It sounds crazy although I just feel like he just let's me twist and figures if I want to actually talk to him I will. Again, this isn't aboutt him. It's about me.

Why did I behave this way? Do I apologize? I sounded like a crazy. Maybe that's why he texted was because he thought I was wacky. I don't have any expectations of this-it was what it was. Nothing is going to happen. I'm guessing I felt the need to really do this was because I am so physically attracted to him.

I just want to be normal. Whatever the pho that is. I don't want to be rude or crazy to anyine moving forward.