Going Down Hill 2

[GoatGal]

OK. Just read that last bit.

First of all--STOP REPLYING TO THIS STUFF FROM HER.

She is being nasty now "It's retarded"? You have said what you have to say and now it's time to LET IT GO.

No more "explaining" or trying to point out that you mean no harm.
Clearly it hasn't worked yet.
She's got herself worked up and you need to de-escalate. Which means stop engaging.
Period.

Sounds to me that you've actually done some of the things she's wanted, like going the mediator, agreeing to work on the finances, but now she's not getting the results she wants so it's going to continue to spiral out of control here until one of you takes the reins and says: "Whoa!"
And that's not gonna be her.

She has said: "I WANT. I WANT..." She has stated her boundaries clearly and is expecting you to bend to her will.
You have stated yours.

Conversation over for the time being.

This is a lose:lose right now. She's gone into being disrespectful and going back on what you agreed to with the mediator because it's not what SHE "wants".

Well, life ain't fair. Just look at all of us on this board...

You are not responsible for her depression, for not being a therapist, or for her choice to leave the M. You do not have to "help" her, or rescue her from her own actions. If and when the time comes, you can bend over backwards to help her return to the M and to make yourself a better man.

But let's be clear: SHE chose this. There were other options available, if I'm not mistaken.
If it's not unfolding the way she'd anticipated, so it goes.

You continue to be strong and let her spin for awhile.

You don't need to be a jerk or be cold. Just refuse to discuss it further.
At least for several days.

You don't need to explain this any further other than to say: "We agreed on a plan at the mediator's. I'm through discussing it with you for now." And then just walk away and get busy doing something else.


---(G)GGG