Going Down Hill 2

[zed]

Hey there, zed.


I also think it's perfectly fair for you to remain in YOUR house, at least for the time being. It sounds as though, if W really wants "space" she can go stay with her mother, right?

Yah her mother lives 15 min away. She can live there if she wants. But she says then the kids will have to move. I said the kids don't have to move they can stay with me.

You offered to buy another house and do what is called "Nesting" meaning the kids stay put and you and W alternate staying in the home with them. If you can afford it, what is wrong with this setup in your W's mind, do you think?

This is where the wife said she would not stay in the house anyway. She would now just stay at her mom's. So she wants me to do all the work to buy the house furnish it etc.

I don't recall all of your sitch, but did she repeatedly voice her discontent and/or suggest solutions to her unhappiness? Did you ignore or downplay her concerns?
Those things are all important to see where so much resentment is coming from on her end.

Yah she had depression issues before marriage. Issues with body image. First couple of years I spent a lot time reassuring her and try to help. But after awhile I felt I could not help anymore. I did not know what else to say. She started to go to therapy a bit. W mother suggested her go on anti-depressents. W did not want to and I felt same way and tried to support her in that.
Every 2-3 months she would be sitting crying. I did not know how to fix it anymore and I couldn't deal with it so I started to give her space. "It is what I would have wanted" A day later she would be better. So I thought she was better and was "just having a bad day". Then about a year and a half ago during her crying episodes she would mention "she was not happy" and that we should go to MC. I just chalked it up to her having another bad day. Because sometimes even a week after she would tell me how happy she was with our family. I know realize that she was always hurt and just trying to cheer herself up and put on a brave face.

But many times, the LBS are just human. Not perfect, could have done things better, maybe were a$$hats from time to time. But usually the WAS is no saint, either.
You made mistakes, you'll keep from making the same ones in the future, right?

You are absolutely right.

Thank GG. This is been really hard. I still really love my W. It is hard to think how much pain I must have caused to have her feel this strongly about me.