Busting this Divorce - Standing Firm

[HPoirot]

Well... I was in the bedroom working and W laid down on the bed next to me and started talking...

W did tell me about her evening at the show. I can accept what she said.

Then she said she was starting her IC again tomorrow. This started her talking about R. I again let her go on and I shouldn't have!

She said she considers us separated now and that's still what she wants. She said she thought a lot about me yesterday... that her being out and about on her own was like being separated. She was sad about it. She then asked me if I had thought of how actually being separated would be. I warmly said no b/c that's not what I want. She said, "I'm sorry HP." I should have said yes to show I was moving on. In all... I didn't talk much... but when she asked I was too honest about me standing for our marriage. I even said that once. I made a GIANT mistake there. Damn she just kept talking and asking me things and I kept trying to stop her saying... let's just focus on the move and go from there. I tried and did not just stop her! I did not just leave and I should have!

She asked me if I though we could live together in the condo were moving to. I messed up warmly saying "yes... I'm not the one with the problem living together" or something along those lines criticizing her. Damn.

Then later she said, "well we're not going to MC." I said something like, "W I do want to go to MC with you. In your last email you suggested that now we could." I reminded her she said she would cease contact with OM which means we could go to MC. She said she still thinks about him and does not want to stop contact. She said she wants to go to MC to figure out how to separate. She asked me if I would agree to the same. I said no. I asked her if she would make the appointment and she said yes. I told her do it in a couple weeks as she said she would start her IC again tomorrow.

At the end... she said I was smiling like I didn't take what she said seriously. I said everything she said is serious. She said I have no idea... serious like a heart attack.

So I was good and warm and said too much and let her talk again too damn much. I let it show again that I'm not really moving on. Damn. Damn. Damn.

I should have just agreed and validated everything she said. I know better! Now I feel like I've really blown a great chance to show me moving on. She kept asking me to accept her view and I when it mattered I did not.

How bad is this?