Aww.....it's a tough conundrum with the kids, isn't it? D20 is entitled to feel the way she does about her dad, and entitled to speak her mind. On the other hand, I've seen in my ex's family the tremendous toll that cutting a parent out of your life exacts. One of my ex BILs still doesn't speak to his mom who was the WAS....and it's been almost 40 years.
I think a polite if remote relationship is better than cutting the parent out altogether. But at the same time, you don't want to convey the message to your kid that their feelings aren't valid.
