I realized that I had a lot of stuff that needed fixing, I was depressed, anxious, angry, emotionally abusive, filled with fear but highly functioning. I looked together to the outside world but inside was a quivering mass of jelly.
I realized after my H left that no one could fix me but me, and that I would never have a good intimate R, no matter who I was partnered with until I figured myself out.
I had the people here, a wonderful IC, lots of reading, pondering, bike riding, meditation and yoga.
It became about saving me, the marriage was secondary.
My H and I went for long periods of time and didn't see or talk to one another. We did maintain email contact(we have 2 sons and a house together)
It took him a long time to get over his hurt.
Once that happened he was able to see me in a different light and I was a very different person. We clicked again.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
