Confusion is getting better, I think...

[Okabe]

Finally got on a computer.
"Yes, well that is Often confused with OR properly labeled as "controlling". Don't scoff, it may be seen that way, like you pretty much take over & blame her for it.

It's coming across that way to ME and the other part is that it's clear you "do it all" with the expectation you'll be admired and thanked for it, and if not, you resent it.

I think the "low conflict" marriage was simply a repressed one. What do you think? "

You may have a point. I never thought of myself that way, but it's possible.
This is what I meant by my statement. I do the cooking (always have. I like it and work in a grocery store), shopping, cleaning, laundry, pay bills, yardwork, help with the kids etc.
It was divided, but skewed to me doing more things. Everyone saw this and commented at one time or another on it. I didn't mind. I defended her saying she did things as well (which she did).
After her shoulder injury there became less she could do, so I picked up what she couldn't do in support. Now she is taking classes (2 classes 2x a week and 1 online class). So I told her I would support her by helping more. I do the laundry (which she used to do pre-shoulder injury), vacuuming, taking the compost out, cleaning up after the dog when he messes in house (and she has gotten home before me and said she didn't see it. Maybe she didn't).
Right now she does her school work, helps with the boys (which she does a great job),takes care of her fish, and online games.
Here are some examples of what she doesn't take care of (they are strange to me): Often won't order a pizza for dinner (asks me to do it from work since she doesn't want to give out her card #). Doesn't call the doctor to make appointments or ask questions in regards to the boys half the time (says it is because of my work schedule, but I have worked the same schedule for years). I have picked up and mailed out her Dad and Step-mom'sX-mas gift for years.
I don't tell her what to do, or what to believe, or how to think. She is much too strong for that. She is stubborn. If you push her one way, she goes the the opposite or digs in (these are her words). She can be "hyper-rational" and always have a clear reason why to not do something.
She complained about not having adult friends and conversation besides myself through the years. I encouraged her to get a part-time job or find a club to join (she said it wasn't practical because of childcare issues). She wanted to go to school for years. I encouraged her. She said no. No money to do it, and wouldn't take out a loan and didn't think her Dad would help (come to find he would have).
If I had an issue with something in our M. I'd bring it up. She doesn't. I would have to pry things out of her when I could tell there was something wrong ( I eventually told her long ago that I couldn't keep guessing and that she'd have to let me know when something was bothering her because otherwise I couldn't address it).
As far as depression goes:
I'm not sure. It seems like she has always been like this. Her: "I don't know" or "I don't care" when people ask her things about what she wants seem to be just how she is rather than being something related to depression.
However, in the last 5 years she lost her Mother and her best friend. She lost her social outlet doing martial arts with me last fall after her injury. Her only social outlet is her online gaming friends (she plays 3-5 hours a night minimum). So is she depressed in light of that? Maybe. She has said she is lonely. I know that is in reference to me, but it could be exacerbated that she has very little social life. I don't know.
I don't write all this to blame her or abdicate responsibility for my own problems. Just to give an additional picture of our R. I think at times that maybe I have taken on too much and has made some unhealthy co-dependency in our R. And that I need to stop taking care of her so much. Perhaps she resents it? I don't know.