newbie needs help part 5

[igit]

25yearsmlc, thanks for taking the time to give such encouraging insight. I know I have said some things that she would take as trying to shame her. I dont mean that to be the affect but can see that is how's it's perceived.you mentioned giving her something achievable and desirable to live up to? Could you give me an example?
You also mentioned waw will not return to m unless they see marraige would be different. My wife has always been more spiritual and active in church! That is one thing she has ran away from. No church no women bible study anymore. The other morning I asked her why she has avoided church etc. She says she doesn't like the people there! It does break my heart! I have done a big 180 in my life. I have been the spiritual leader of family since this situation started almost a year ago. I have grown closer to church, God, and my spiritual side. Our kids go to a Christian school and our very active in our church. In our conversation the other morning I mentioned that our kids have been watching and it is something they our noticing. I didn't do this to shame her, but I wanted to tell her. I said it is not having a positive impact on any of kids but especially our D12. I told her I was there for our kids while she was in her Affair and protected them from it. Please give me a 2x4! I hate to say things like that to make her feel guilty but I feel like I need to say these things.