Really too late....

[lost18]

Ok, time to get off my pity party. I realize that I have not come close to detaching. Haven't quite figured that out yet, definitely need to work on that big time!

So, D13 and I went to the movie. It was good to get out of the house.

Here are some things I have been thinking about the past few hours. Most are obvious when I'm using my brain and not my heart.

1) If he is going to contact ow there is nothing I can do about it. Whether I'm home, he's in "his" room, he's in the garage, he leaves, I'm in the shower or in my room....it doesn't matter. Does it make it inconvenient for him sometimes, sure, but I CAN'T CONTROL IT.

2) Another issue I'm having with that ^^^ is I did tell him (put a boundary) that I did not want him to have any contact with ow while the girls and/or I are home. I have no proof that he is, and don't think I should and don't want to bring it up (for several reasons). So I feel like I can't be firm on that boundary. Any suggestions on that are appreciated.

3) Trying to figure out the pattern. If I back off does he come closer? Does he back off and I get needier (for lack of a better word)? Do I feel progress and then become needier and push him away? Can't quite figure that out yet, need to pay closer attention.

Today, he was outside working on a project with D13, I had been out there earlier putting the last coat of stain on my shelves, when I was done I came in and was on the computer. He came through the house and asked me if I was going to come outside. (it was genuine and nice) Of course then made it all about D13...I went and watched for a bit, took some pictures. I guess we are both all over the place...

That is why we recognize this as the push-pull dynamic. The WAS get closer to you momentarily and then when they realize how "close" they got to you..they PULL waaaay back as not to give you any false hope of recconciliation becausee they "feel" a bit disloyal to the OW/OM. Tbhis is the foggy brain that's impacting their actions.

I came home from the movie and decided I needed to read my huge email I keep adding to of good posts I find here. ^^^ This one was posted today, I think by Wonka, makes sense that may be what I'm experiencing.