However, I would hope she would love me enough to help me with my alcohol addiction. The only other option for her would be divorce, and that certainly would be her right. Some people are able to break free from alcoholism with help, though. I hope she would try to get me help before calling it quits.
They get help because THEY want the help and are ready for it. Oftentimes, they need to hit rock bottom before they say, "I need help and I want it/I'm ready for it". From that point and on, they're on the recovery path in breaking the cycle. Perhaps the spouse has tried to help the alcoholic several times, but got brushed away , spurned or stonewalled in every conceivable way. As you can see by now, you cannot FORCE them to give up drinking because they DON'T WANT or AREN'T INTERESTED in getting help with their addiction.
It is the same way with WASes who have OM/OW. Affairs are as equally destructive as alcoholicsm or hard drugs. You cannot force them to stop seeing OW/OM. However, you can set a boundary of what you will or will not tolerate. Boundaries are for your own well-being. Oftentimes the affairs do burn out and the WASes do HIT rock bottom after they experience or see the destruction they leave in their wake.
Then what next? What will their memory be of you as the LBS? One who has acted with compassion, dignity, grace, and class based on unconditional love. I'd like to think that positive feelings/memories of you usually draws them back to you which is why we harp at those 180's and GAL constantly to detach yourselves from their destructive choices.
You are not responsible for their affairs. It is all on them.
You are not responsible for alcoholics. It is all on them.
You are not responsible for drug addicts. It is all on them.
You may not love their behaviors, but you still can love them from a distance.
