Wow., he just texted me saying that he'd like to speak to D tomorrow if there is a good time.
No mention of the fact that I asked him the same thing yesterday, and he said, "I just don't see how that will work, because it's so crowded here and she wants to sleep in a room with her cousins and blah blah blah, but I'll try. And if it doesn't work, it's not because I didn't try."
I have no words.
When he dropped off our D today, she told me (in front of him) that she was sad yesterday because she missed me. And then when he went to leave, she made a sad face and walked away from him with her head down. I didn't say a word.
A man who would not say to himself, "ok, I don't feel love for her, and our marriage wasn't working, but she keeps liking things on FB that are full of optimism... what do I have to lose by giving it a shot? My D has so much to gain."
A man who has such a pessimistic, negative, hopeless view of life...and me...is not someone I need in my life. There is power in realizing that. I think I've been afraid to admit that--afraid to give up on him-- but I think it's time to let go.
What was wrong in our marriage started long ago. While I don't regret marrying him because that allowed me to become a mother to a wonderful girl, and I did have some very happy times with him, his family and friends. .. there were always some very important things missing for me in the R. I don't miss feeling lonely while in a supposedly loving R. I don't miss feeling judged and disappointing again and again. I don't miss feeling unheard by the man who was supposed to love me. (Now I still feel unheard, but at least there is no pretense of love!")
