Busting this Divorce - Standing Firm

[HPoirot]

OK I had a very bad hypocritical pity party angry day today. My head hurt all day. I did not do anything to stop it... did not take my son out the house... did not do anything except think about this mess and pace and feel angry. There was a lot to do differently to make today better. I have and can do better.

A night like this when W doesn't come home... when she cheerfully volunteers a story about where she says she's going and why she says she won't be home until the morning... when she cheerfully explains and even reads each text that she says she gets when she's sitting right next to me... I can handle these times better. I know they come and will continue to come and I can be ready and just do better... even and especially when she's not here to see me. Especially when my son is watching me.

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I would like to learn more about how Ws think in these sitches. I find the explanations from everyone here about how WAW see these sitches as somehow comforting. Understanding what I'm dealing with helps me deal better.

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She'll be back tomorrow. I'll just be the cool, collected, all-together guy that she'd be a fool to leave in the morning.

Thank you everyone for the comments and support. They were very helpful today. And I appreciate the conversation about exposure and MB. While the MB approach is attractive when I allow myself to feel hopeless and angry and vengeful... I take the arguments against all to heart and understand. I don't want my W to come back to us shamed. I want her to want to be here with us. To fall in love with us again b/c we're awesome.

So... back to focusing on taking care of me... on believing in my strength... on having faith in her... on feeling love for her.

Onward.