I was briefly talking with H and the issue of his parents came up. I noticed how, by not validating my feelings and frustrations, I immediately felt he was defending them. Was he actually though?
I know I feel like he doesn't and never did have my back when it came to them. He'd roll his eyes, try to "talk me down" and the incidents I was upset over are no small potatoes. He wouldn't defend me when they got on my case or were critical of me whether I was in the room or not. It hurt. A lot.
I have a feeling he's the same when in their presence and I'm not around.
I think he's trying to be neutral but in this case, neutrality is perceived as permissive to both sides and I feel I deserve to have been supported and defended and validated when it came to his parents. Couldn't he have shown some loyalty and solidarity with me? Had my back. Not implied that I was over reacting when I attempted to set some boundaries. Ugh, that really hurts.
And even now, he's neutral. Trying to stay out of it and it digs up old feelings of being hung out to dry. I deserved better. So much better.
With divorce I smoothly escape having to deal directly with my in laws ever again, really and even if I did, with divorce comes the general assumption that they pick Team H. If we don't get a divorce, this is something we will definitely have to face. I won't be hung out to dry, often in front of my daughter, again.
That's not too much to ask, I don't think. There's a big possibility though that I won't get to ask. Such is the journey.
