Oh dear the last few days have been a huge backslide.
Not eating, not sleeping, something in my head just snapped in a way and triggered me. Is the best way to describe.
A flirty joke exchange mmmm I started to take personally, and stuff fell out it was blurted and things I never meant to just kept coming. I'm really annoyed. I let the snarky biatch out just a tad and she run a marathon.
It led to a sort of boundary /relationship discussion with farm tenant. I hope the air is clearer and we are now totally on the same page.
On my side I feel better knowing, while jokes are made he doesn't intended to cheat on his wife. He hates cheaters, and revealed that h cousin is indeed dateing ow again after only being caught out for the third time about 18months ago, by his wife.
So what did gg learn, well I need to work on trust issues and fear issues. Mainly the fear of never being able to trust men any men in any sitch not do the right thing.
And while I'm detached from the man my h was, in that area I feel nothing really and he doesn't affect me in person. The past is and what was done to me. Goal to detach more.
I need to work on those negative nasty tapes h installed in my head that often pop up. The farm tenant has been Mirroring compliments about looks and dresses, I think he had already known some of what was revealed and was trying to build my confidence.
The happy goals are the road to this, putting my self out there and doing it. Phoning the rhc is great because even tho I nearly wet my pants I did it.
Dinner is another, just confronting those people who h thinks will support him with his laywer.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
