Going up, going down...

[BrightFuture]

The Thanksgiving dinner at my BIL was OK. It didn’t go the way I expected though. It was a bit strange. We all were there, my son with GF, my sister’s family. This BIL is H’s brother, and he’s been trying to keep the connection with my family. The only different part in all of this was that he has a GF now, who’s been living with him and they’ve been together for over a year. This is something new for my BIL. He used to date a lot, but always broke it up when his dates were starting to get serious about the R.

Over the years we were used to this dynamic. His house was always his house where nobody could make the rules. This time I could tell that his GF has been making the rules. I also got a feeling that sometimes he doesn’t like what she is doing (some comments from him), but tolerates it. This is just too funny. I think after he broke his knee cup last year, he realized that he is no longer that young independent stud. He needs a companion in his life. So, he tolerates this woman and lets her dictate some of the things. I could tell that deep down he is still resisting all this. Oh well, not my problem. It is just ironic that this is happening at the same time when H thinks (actually said this 2 years ago) that his brother was the only one doing the right thing with his life (like not being married and just dating.)

So, this year H didn’t even text anybody in my family wishing a happy Thanksgiving. I didn’t get a text either. Plus, I learnt that he has a second phone now. I had no idea and I don’t think any of my family members, including my son, were told about it either. Two phones… while he’s been complaining about not making much money and trying to downsize in every aspect of his life. This is just so weird. I cannot wrap my head around it.

Does he want to completely sever any contact with me and my family? Hence no Thanksgiving texts like he did for the last two years. I have a suspicion he met somebody. And now is trying to pretend that he is “free” man and his M is long over and there is no contact with his xw. Except I’m not exactly x yet, not on paper. Well, is doesn’t matter to him, but it might matter to a new GF. I just can’t wait when she finds out where his Playboys come from and that there is still lots of my stuff and clothes at the vacation home. Oh year, and the mail, LOL.

But why a second phone? Maybe he is trying to see if he likes the service from that other company and then will switch the number. Or, he will cancel his old number and have the new one. Who knows…

The possibility of him having met someone is actually taking some tall on me right now. I thought I was prepared for this, but apparently I’m not. It made me sad. I also feel that I will be starting another phase of grief with this. Why does it have to be so different for me? I am 2 and ½ years into this. I should be way over it. I admit that the feelings are not near as intense as they were after the BD. But still… I thought that I was lucky that there was no OW in my sitch. But now I will have to go through what everybody else already went through, sigh…