The most stated issues have been in regards to me being not very affectionate (also how that relates to intimacy) and making her feel lonely while I am in the same room (ie: zoning out on the computer). This is what she states the main problems are/ have been and I can see that and don't disagree with her. But if I am to detach, give her space and not glomp on to her (and in turn push her away) I can't really be affectionate (hold hands, give her hugs, etc) can I?
I actually addressed this same topic right after you first started posting. If there has not been much improvement since you have tried being more affectionate, then she is simply bringing up old issues. Things are more serious, at this point. Over time, she has closed her heart to you. So now, YOU are the one who is not wanting to detach. YOU are the one wanting the affection and intimacy. YOU are scared to death and are holding her tighter b/c you are afraid of losing her.
You are not progressing b/c you do not want to do the necessary steps. You even admitted that when you try to initiate the affection/intimacy it is met with discomfort and you even felt she was simply tolerating your touch. She may have wanted it at one time, but she simply does not want you touching her NOW! How much plainer do you need it? She is not attracted to you. You have to do the detaching, giving her space, and the other 180's first........in order to draw her attraction back to you. This is not complicated. You are not wanting to do this, and you are trying to make it sound as if you don't understand. Everything has to start over, and at this point, in her heart she is not your wife nor lover. She is not your GF. She is not your friend. She is an acquaintance, (and if you play your cards right, she just may want to get better aquatinted).
Start doing what works now, instead of doing what you should have done before she closed her heart.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
