Please know this: I will not judge or condemn a person for taking a certain course of action when it comes to exposure. I DO feel for you...this had to be incredibly hard for you. No doubt about it.
Originally Posted By: wmwb123
Originally Posted By: Wonka
WMB,
Personally, I don't agree with exposure for those reasons. It is how I view and feel about exposure. This doesn't necessarily mean that I am right and you're wrong or vice versa.
Wonka, I understand where you're coming from. It was not an easy decision for me. As I said, I struggled with it for 2 months. In the end I decided I should do it as an act of love to help her break free from her sin. I decided it was what I would want her to do for me.
I hope you don't hate me for my decision. I value your opinion, and I hope you will continue to offer me your wisdom.
Take a closer look at the bolded section, WMB. You are making ASSUMPTIONS on what your W might, would, could....have done for you. Why would you want W to make that decision for you?? Is it her responsibility to do so?? I think not. I find it incredibly unfair to place the burden on the other spouse to "break up" the affair when it is the wayward's spouse CHOICE to engage in an A. Therefore the burden is on them to break off all contact with the OM/OW. It is their own mess to clean up. Not yours. They're adults.
This is precisely what expectations and assumptions do WITHOUT any advance mutual agreements in place. Absent of mutual agreements, this is where resentments set in and then a person festers in those resentments until THEY EXPLODE.
Let me take this further to illustrate my point:
I decided it was what I would want her to do for me.
Suppose you are an alcoholic---I'm just using this as an example. You decide that you want your W to stop you drinking. Is it fair to put the burden on her? You made the choice to drink alcohol day in and day out for 20 years. Suppose you're one mean drunk who hit at the children etc. Again, is it your W's job to make you quit drinking? No. You're a grown man, right? If you want to quit drinking badly enough, you'll figure it out because you do see the damage you're seeing on your W, children, etc. Maybe you become homeless because you cannot keep your job due to drinking.
You're a grown man. Life teaches the consequences of you continuing to drink.
Likewise with your W. She's a grown woman. Trust em, life WILL teach her the consdeuqnces of her choices.
ALL DB forums, every single one of them, is littered with stories of life teaching WASes the copnsequences of their affairs.
