Busting this Divorce - Standing Firm

[GoatGal]

wmwb123...

I see in your signature that divorce is imminent. And that's not a bad thing if you think that's the best outcome.

I'm sure if I had busted my H's affair wide open, it would have stopped pretty darn fast. I also know that he never would have forgiven me for doing something he *should* have done on his own, as a man, with some integrity. (Whatever little bit of it he had left.)

It would have been embarrassing and humiliating for him. And it would have made him resent me more than he already did.
What I ended up doing is telling him to get the heck out, end it IMMEDIATELY, or I was out of his life. He did both. Immediately.

Had he not... well, I'm not sure what I would have done. Probably would have outed them both and would probably be divorced now as well. And he might not have a job either. Or her.

Did I want to? Heck yeah! To this day I think that down the road I might still out Ho-Worker OW to her husband. If I get divorced. At that point, I'd have nothing to lose.
"Revenge is a dish best served cold." And one day, I might want to serve her up a nice plate of revenge just when she's thinking she's gotten away with her crap.

Because, after all, doesn't OW's H have the right to know what a piece of sh*t he's married to? So that he can be on the lookout for more infidelity from her in the future?

Would I have wanted someone to tell me that my H was making a fool of himself with some fat slut at work and one of me in the process, since I was the trusting fool who believed in him?

But--I decided to take the high road. To act with integrity. To allow people to solve their own problems. To let LIFE mete out the consequences for bad behavior, so it can never be said that I was so lofty as to be Judge, Jury, and Executioner.

It is only because I STFU that my H not only ended his adultery, but he got into therapy and has finally started to do some much-needed work on himself.

Now, I don't have children, that might have factored into my thinking.

I just don't want HP to go all crazy and do something based in irrational emotions when it might be in HIS best interests to STFU and wait and see what happens next.

I guess what I'm saying is that setting boundaries is about you putting your foot down about what you will/will not tolerate, and acting accordingly,
NOT forcing other people to do what you think they should.
Believe me, they never thank you for your good advice on these matters.

Just my .02.

---(G)GGG