Okay....listen up. Thanksgiving and holidays are fraught with emotions and the like that stirs up emotions for both WAS and LBS. Mind you, your W is not playing you with those nice gestures. It is being done in the spirit of Thanksgiving and creating a positive memory for your S11. Be adults about this. Be thankful that W is being fairly reasonable about all of this.
Exposure, to me, is taking a sorched earth approach that will just leave bad feelings for everyone involved and will definitely make things harder to keep the road back home paved smooth for the WAS to travel on. Yes, there's been debate about the merits and non-merits of exposure. I am for unconditional love, not shaming and guilting the other person into submission.
To me, exposure is a form of control that you cannot give your spouse some allowances in respecting your boundaries and thinking over their choices. Good gosh...your spouse isn't a 5-year old who cannot make decisions on her own. This is why I like the DB approach so much for it shows love, respect and honors the spouse as a person with thoughts, feelings, aspirations, and dreams whose love you is buried beneath years and years of muck that's called 'resentment.'
It took a while for this M to get to where it is now...one big mess and it will take sometime for the ship to turn around. You've only been at this ONE MONTH and you're all hot & bothered to go into exposure method RIGHT NOW because you're angry and in pain.
Never, NEVER act on your emotions. They lead you on the wrong path every single time. Be calm, cool, and collected. That along with a swagger will get you much further than some hot-headed reaction.
Originally Posted By: HPoirot
So I don't understand then when she's nice. When she calls me honey. What she's thinking. What she wants. Why it's no problem now for me to suffer while she says she wants my kindness and understanding.
You seem to forget that W is suffering too as evidenced by her emails and convos with you (not to mention her crying as well). Right now, you're angry and having one heckva pity party. Look...she wouldn't call you "honey" if she didn't feel any semblence of love for you. She's said that she DOES loves you. She's not doing this just to make you suffer.
That is why we recognize this as the push-pull dynamic. The WAS get closer to you momentarily and then when they realize how "close" they got to you..they PULL waaaay back as not to give you any false hope of recconciliation becausee they "feel" a bit disloyal to the OW/OM. Tbhis is the foggy brain that's impacting their actions.
