The Black Knight II

[LoisB]

That's what I've been doing. I keep telling her that I will be fine and she needs to do what works best for her.

As far as D12 is concerned, this is sorta a blessing in disguise. These are all things I've already planned on doing. Now, however, I'm forced to get it done. So, I will.

I'm feeling a bit better today. Not so alone.

I want D12 to have a full life and she doesn't right now. We need to get back to the place we were last spring where she had a few good friends, things to keep her busy and a set schedule for school. God is prodding me to get it handled.

Just filled my mom in. She was ok, except she made one comment that I jumped all over like a monkey on a banana. She said, "I feel some resentment right now. I told you to hire XXX (Smokey's atty).

Well, effin A mom...I can't afford Smokey's atty. I jumped down her throat like nobody's business. "Were you going to pay Smokey's expensive-a$$ atty?"

She shut up.

[job]

I'm glad you are feeling a bit better. Sometimes you have to put meddling family members in their places. I have to agree...was she going to pay for your lawyer had you gotten your h's lawyer? She doesn't have a clue what he's charging and if he loves to drag things out...you could have been paying a lot of money.

As for your current lawyer, from the things you've posted, he's doing his job. When we hired lawyers, we want them to move forward fast and furious, but the way the laws are set up and what the opposing counsel comes up with or not, that all plays into when things actually get done.

I forgot to ask...is your h still providing you w/some child support right now or is he being a PIA and not doing it?

Hang in there, you are getting things taken care of today and it's a start, even if you feel like you've forced to do them now.

[LoisB]

$200 from Smokey each month.

[job]

Thank goodness he's still sending something. Every little bit helps.

Please try to relax this weekend. You've had a lot going on the last couple of weeks.

[LoisB]

I had an interesting day yesterday.

There is a sales rep in our little office now. When I came in, it was the first moment I had a breather from both girls and I vented about my Thanksgiving surprises.

She was lovely and listened and supported me. I feel like I made a new friend. She vented some about her family too.

Turns out she was sorta the OW and is now married to a man who, it appears to me, had a MLC. Not sure I want her as my best friend? But, I did respect the fact that he called her and she said, "Don't call me again until you separated from your wife."

IDK. I appreciate having someone who listened and I can't help but having my guard up a bit when she revealed some of her life. Still, God put someone in my path who supported me when I needed it. I'm grateful for this.

Then, I took D12 with me, after work to meet up with the special ed teacher who homeschools. D12 hung out with her 13-year-old daughter and I was able to gather some support and info from the mom.

She is a smart cookie and reassured me a lot.

Turns out the superintendent of our school district is very supportive of homeschool families, especially when disabilities are in the mix. This woman recommended I make an appt and go talk to the Superintendent one-on-one.

She also gave me a measure of common sense in terms of Smokey. She pointed out that he hasn't made an issue of the homeschooling for four years. Yes, he has said he wasn't happy about it, but in terms of actually parenting and taking steps to DO anything about it...?? Nope, he let it be. She reminded me that a judge will see this and ask, "Why now?"

She said so many nice, comforting things. She said, "You H sounds like he is being vindictive and angry he was abandoned. He is lashing out in anger to get your attention. Let him. You will be fine. This is a supportive community."

Then, she told me about a female atty who homeschools her kids and lives in the area.

I didn't feel nearly as panicked after talking to her. For some reason, I was able, while listening, to see Smokey's desperation in all this and I calmed down.

And, I didn't spread the panic to D12. I calmed down and realized, we will take this one step atta time and put things into place as we have been. D12 really needs me to be the calm in the storm. WE cannot and will not be pulled on a tether to suit this man who hasn't parented in years.

I will meet with the Superi. this week, but I'm not going to be bullied into scaring D12. I will get the discovery info to my atty as I'm able.

I also made an appt for Thursday with the psychotherapist. Haven't told D12 yet. That will be fun!

[LoisB]

Smokey texted D20 again..."Have a GREAT holiday weekend Peanut!"

She responded, "Don't ever contact me again."

[job]

Heather,
I'm glad you had two people that you could talk to about your situation. Actually, the woman at your work place could most likely give you more insight into how things played out for her. It would give you a better understanding of what happens w/a mlcer hooks up w/op. I wouldn't rule her out as a friend as she did nothing wrong towards you or your marriage. Sometimes God puts people in our paths for a very good reason, i.e. to listen and be supportive.

I'm also glad to read that you met w/the homeschool mom. Another good example of support and I have to agree w/her...why now raise the questions about your youngest daughter's schooling? Of course, he's lashing out. You left him and you were suppose to stay right where he left you...back in Ohio in the home you shared w/him. He thinks you abandoned him, but because he's not thinking rationally, he's the one that left not only you, but the children, home and pets. Allow him to stomp his feet and eventually when he sees you aren't going to be a party to his drama, he may very well settle down.

Well, I can see your D20 has left no doubt as to the way she feels about her father. He's lost so much in the way of respect from his children.

I do hope you are feeling better today. I hope this coming week will be far better for you.

[kml]

Aww.....it's a tough conundrum with the kids, isn't it? D20 is entitled to feel the way she does about her dad, and entitled to speak her mind. On the other hand, I've seen in my ex's family the tremendous toll that cutting a parent out of your life exacts. One of my ex BILs still doesn't speak to his mom who was the WAS....and it's been almost 40 years.

I think a polite if remote relationship is better than cutting the parent out altogether. But at the same time, you don't want to convey the message to your kid that their feelings aren't valid.

[LoisB]

Smokey is trying to say that I willfully destroyed our home in order to destroy marital assets.

Honestly, I see what they are doing. I see what I have to do. I just don't know if I have the energy to make it over this last mountain.

I feel like it's coming at me from every side.

I can't afford my car payment or rent. I still have to get car insurance, license plates, license, etc...

Last week:

I was at the office on Saturday, worked most of the day on Sunday, came in on Monday to discover that I had until that evening to get the paper done. Stayed until 9 p.m. Went back to the office at noon on Tuesday...stayed until 3, worked 9 to 3 at my office on Weds. 8:30 to 3 on Friday...and, was there all day yesterday. On Friday afternoon, I get a phone call from the NICE editor saying he was nervous because he hadn't heard from me? WTF?

This guy is under stress and adores me...but, I've noticed he also feels it's ok to take his stress out on me when he is feeling it. I need to nip that in the bud.

I had sent him an email on Friday around 1 p.m. with I planned for this week's paper. He didn't see it until he was on the phone with me.

I feel like I'm in combat.

Oh, and Smokey knew the phones were down.

[LoisB]

There going to play the Heather is CRAZY angle.

I really don't need to hear how I've played into their hands right now. I get it.

But, I'm beginning to have these messages in my head say, "Maybe he is right? Maybe I did alienate him from the kids, destroy our property...??"

I didn't though. But, I feel worn out.