still holding on - 5

[u-turn]

Thanks Sandi!
I know I missed the opportunity for the truth dart - and I am not afraid of the ramifications of it. I want to do what's best but I squandered the moment.

She does know that I know about the A. She doesn't deny that it happened. Her claim is that it happened - not happening. I know it it still at least an EA and may be a PA. She has said, when pressed by me, that she is trying to end it. We haven't talked about the reality of the EA keeping a wall between us.

She does not yell at me. She does not complain about me (ever). When we have talked she goes back to very old complaints. I really have to be pushing for her to bring it up - It seems to be her only defense.

So what I see is this:

Look, she is willing to live like roommates until a decision is made about her and OM's future. As long as she believes you will passively accept living in those conditions, do you really think she will suddenly be attracted to you and choose you over OM?

A WW has to experience a personal loss (one you probably would not know) before she will begin feeling regrets for her A. It has to be serious enough to cause her SERIOUS doubt that OM is worth her loss. It is not your job to figure out what that particular loss may be. However, it is your job to not enable her to continue with a wayward lifestyle.

I need to hit her with this truth dart but am unsure about the best way to do it. It sometimes seems like she is on the verge of changing - but I don't know why I feel that way.

She has told me that there is no future with OM and they both know it. But that does not change the EA. I wish I could tell her what I have learned about affairs and addictions.

Sorry if I wrote something that misled you, but her trip to FL was to see family, I know this is true and I know it was not with OM. So I was hoping the time away would help her figure things out, but not much has changed besides me being more detached which I think makes her more detached.

Transparency - we have not talked about it - she hasn't said she wants to do what it takes.