Busting this Divorce - Standing Firm

[HPoirot]

It's just that I feel I have a good little family... I really great chance for real happiness as now we're both forced to reach for it. I know W says she has no faith it can happen here with me now... but then she says she's scared of making a mistake. I don't want to feel... or ever want her to think... I was just sitting by drinking rum while OM tried to take her from our family.

I have no evidence W has spoken to or seen OM since late Oct except her saying she was still talking to him last week and then saying again she would stop. If I want, I can find out more on her computer. I will check soon... try not immediately read any emails I find... just forward them to myself for evidence later.

I hate to do this. I want to, like 25 says, let her go through her journey peacefully and just be someone she wants to come back to. I was not that before and I do feel this is my best chance for me to reach the full and happy life I want.

But she has said she knows she is hurting me with this contact... says the contact is innocent.... says it doesn't feel good to hurt me... hopes we can be friends no matter what happens... says she wants things to get back to normal while she's figuring herself out... talks to me this morning like all's good in the world... and I'm just supposed to be kind and supportive while she hides her phone records and sleeps on the couch.

I know I'm stuck on this today. I am ready to send the emails to the OMs work and wife if I find worse recent evidence.

...

Today, when W got back from shopping (she did mention going last night and she did return with a bag from the store), we had a nice, like normal conversation about holiday shopping. Later, W left to go with her friend to a concert in DC tonight. She says she will spend the night at her friends house.

I know it shouldn't matter what she says she's going to me or S11. I still find this very hard especially as she's away overnight. I did not ask about where she was going or staying... she volunteered the information earlier. Told me about her friend and the nice car she has that they would be driving in. She did offer to text me when she got where ever she's going. I said ok thanks. She asked if I could be ready to take S11 to his tennis class tomorrow morning in case she was late. I said I had not expected too. I expected her to be back in time like she said. She said she would be back in time. I did show a little tension there. Controlling.

Otherwise... I let her go without getting off the couch, watching to see who picked her up, or asking any questions. I was not completely acting like I didn't care she was leaving. I'm still showing some tension/suspicion instead of trust. I wonder if showing trust would be good. She mentioned before the horrible experience she had breaking away from a jealous boyfriend (the love of her life then). Now, here I am acting like less that a friend. I now the best way to DB is to act like an fun attractive man with interesting things to do today. I didn't achieve that when she left.

Where ever she is now... she did text me to give S11 some Mortrin later. I responded a couple minutes later "ok will do." She replies "Thanks! Have a great day with S11." Then, later, she texts me a news item she knows I would be interested in. We share a couple nice texts about it. She also sends me an article about travel deals today. She did some research yesterday about places we could take a family vacation next spring break.

I'm still pulling way back. But, like Wonka, 25, and others have said... she still shows openings where we can talk. She still shows she thinks of me despite all this terribleness... just not as a respected husband (according to her actions). So, like I've been told before... I just be that man who would make a wonderful respected husband. Leave her to her search for fun and experiences while I become someone who offers fun and experiences. What would happen if I showed her trust (after she said I can't trust her)?

I just wrote all that and it sounds like I'm a nice guy enabling his wife to blow up the M. I'm struggling with that today.