My Thanksgiving with my family was fine. Good food, laughs, etc.
Thanksgiving regarding my H?
No, not so much.
Discovered H planned to spend the holiday in his hotel room, sleeping. Because his meds are not working for him. I suggested he come to my parents house for food. He didn't want to do that. Fair enough. I told him I would be out of our house all day and had tons of food there, and to help himself. He wasn't sure about that. He just wanted to sleep. He sounded awful. Finally, during the middle of the day I sent him a text and asked if I could bring him a plate of food. He was agreeable to that.
Took him a plate of food later in the evening. If he isn't at rock bottom he's close to it. I remained up beat and chatty, blah blah. And basically had to put him to bed because he was zoning in and out. He gave me a hug to thank me for the food but when I tried to give another one he freaked out. Got himself worked up, started blaming everything on the meds and then went into a full blown anger meltdown. He couldn't articulate what set him off. He couldn't articulate what he was angry at. He was just filled with uncontrollable anger at the drop off the hat.
This is much more than me. But yet, I can't help but feel it's my fault and the anger is about me - because he only has these meltdowns around me. His parents, his therapist, etc aren't taking me seriously when I tell them about the seriousness of the anger because I'm the only one who sees it.
It breaks my heart, shatters it to the core to see my beautiful, vibrant, funny husband reduced to this shell of a person. To be living in a hotel room going on three months. To fighting whatever it is his fighting on his own.
He plans on talking to the doctor Monday for a med adjustment and he has a therapist appointment Monday as well. I'm sure this will just provide more fodder for the therapist about why we shouldn't communicate. Whatever.
------ I don't know if our marriage is going to be able to survive this. I want so desperately for it to, but I can't DB against anger, and personal demons and depression. Can I?
So, Ss is right, the marriage is going to have to go in the box on the shelf.
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15
