I believe that I am in a SSM because of me… originally, anyhow. We have not had a fun, playful, sexual marriage. We do truly love each other, and are seriously committed to giving our 14 year old son all that we can…. Including having both parents living with him. The whys and hows of our SSM… I could write a book about that, but it wouldn’t change anything right now. I was sexually abused by my maternal grandfather as a child, and that lead to a whole lot that I was unaware of, nor did I have any intentions of doing. The point is that from my Hs POV, I rejected him time after time, again, and truly, unknowingly. I actually would have loved him to have been there with and for me, and help me through all of it, but I don’t believe that is in his ability. I wasn’t really even aware of the fact that I was going through all of this and that I did need his help at all… kind of like a weird hazy coma. I think it kind of started when I discovered an orgasm. I was frustrated with not being able to achieve that with him, and brought it up in all the wrong ways, and with all the wrong words. It was news to him that I wasn’t satisfied, because I always went through the motions… and did actually like it all. That was my domino.
We both wanted more physical love, thought the other one didn’t, and suffered about it mostly in silence for YEARS… and resented the hell out of each other. Eventually, when I came out of my coma, I apologized about all of the hurt he must have felt about all of that, and let him know I wanted to have a more sexual relationship. By then, he believes he had talked himself into not being attracted to me, and didn’t really want that from me anymore.
Anyway, it doesn’t really feel like it’s either of our fault, and we really do love each other.
