Busting this Divorce - Standing Firm

[HPoirot]

Thank you Vanilla for your kind words about children. I do feel steadier than when this began thank you. And I do feel my son can feel this from me and that feeling will support him through this. I'm making it happen.

...

Today was a very good day. We talked and laughed a lot like normal. We made good decisions... cooked together... I smoked by best turkey with gravy ever she said... I praised her for her food... I said grace (an obvious pursuit b/c I never do that)... and then I drove my family 2 hours round trip to a botanical garden W has always wanted to go to. She made the suggestion and I praised her for it and then did my most to enjoy the experience (a 180 for me). She smiled and talked happily the whole time and took lots of pictures. I did something I never did before... asked someone to take a picture of all of us. This is usually her thing. She stood next to me and put her arm around me. She said it was a great picture. I probably shouldn't have done it. Pursuit.

Then we got home late at night. She showered and made the couch for her bed. I had a drink and a piece of pumpkin pie on the other couch. I was ready to ask her... "why are you still sleeping down here?" I was thinking of asking her that the entire drive back while she was asleep next to me. I don't want her to sleep on the couch. She moved herself there after I confronted her about OM she insists is an innocent relationship. "My back hurts so bad," she says to me on the ride home. I say nothing in reply. Now, she sits on the couch by herself to eat her pie and looks tired and miserable. I want to tell her she can come to bed. I almost did.

Instead, I finished the rum drink she bought for me and the pumpkin pie she made for me today. I told her how great her pie was. She says "oh great thanks." I walk to the stairs, turn to her on the couch, and say "see you in the morning." Not looking at me, she says, "ok good night." I'm already walking up the stairs. I stop for a moment and look at her. She's still not looking at me... just miserably eating her pie. I walk to the bedroom and now I'm here telling you about it.

This is just stupid. Is this really the dream life W's chasing? Lying to her H and S11, telling H he can't trust her, and breaking her already broken back by sleeping on the couch every night?

I really wanted to make this mistake tonight... "W... come to bed."

This s*cks.

...

I noticed something... on at least 2 other sitches here, Hs got hammered with spew after replying to a questions from a W with quiet hesitation or an "Um..." I thought nothing of it. Then, tonight, when we got home after our nice family day, my W asked me... "Are you going to have a piece of pie?" She made pumpkin pies as she always does this time of year. She's not into pumpkin pie. Neither is S11. I love pumpkin pie. She made them for me and she said so today. So I hesitated in my answer and said... "Um... yes." I see now hesitation is weakness. I again implied that I want nothing to do with her b/c I had to think of my answer. So, W gets a little irritated and says... "I was just asking b/c if you were having one I was going to have one too." Then she left to go shower. By the time she came down, she saw I'd cut and eaten my own slice of pie. She asks if I want another one. I say "No thank you it was delicious." Then she cuts her own slice and goes to sleep on the couch.

Lesson learned... be decisive when answering W as they are already angry with your weakness and more hesitation weakness makes it worse. Also, watch for subtle ways you are punishing W.

Also, why get me the rum I like, make me drinks, make me pumpkin pie, get mad if I hesitate to accept your offer of pumpkin pie, then ask if I want more pumpkin pie if you're going to hold onto this OM and sleep on the couch? (I see how asking that question is a subtle way of punishing W. Caught myself.)

Anyway... I hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving.

Take care.

Oops... she's still awake. Maybe I'll go talk to her.

No... better take an ice cold shower.

Better choice.