A New Day

[LoisB]

Life,

You are a remarkable guy. You're a great reminder to all us female LBS-ers that good men DO exist.

[AJM]

Some would say that I should take the deal and run with it. Personally I cannot take advantage of someone who is ill. I won't be happy with myself nor able to sleep at night if I do that. I will approach this a proposed change. I will ask to remain in the house till the kids are through school or the youngest reaches 21 years old. I will then sell the house and split the proceed with a percentage based on the number of months each party paid into the house mortgage. I will also stipulate that within that period if I should die that my wife will receive full ownership of the house to do with as she sees fit.

I think this is only fair. I hope she sees it this way. I can at least feel good and sleep with this.

Fair? That's way beyond fair in this type of situation. Why? Because as it was her choice, regardless of the reason, she is entitled to make her decisions and live with them.

But I applaud that approach. You owe her nothing, yet you are trying to act with grace, dignity, and honor and keeping your own needs in there (you will sleep better having done this).

Sometimes being a leader is a lonely prospect, LT. Doesn't change that we need to do what we need to do anyway.

"I hope she sees it this way." If she does, it won't be for a long time, if ever, amigo. Glad you're doing it anyway regardless of "what some might say"


AJ

[Ggrass]

So, today after much prodding I finally got a copy of the divorce agreement that my lawyer received from her lawyer almost 2 months ago. After reading it I actually feel really bad about how sick my wife is. She basically is walking away from everything including the house. The house has $100,000.00 in equity right now. I can't imagine how ill you have to be to walk away from that. She is waving any right to alimony and everything else is equal.

Some would say that I should take the deal and run with it. Personally I cannot take advantage of someone who is ill. I won't be happy with myself nor able to sleep at night if I do that. I will approach this a proposed change. I will ask to remain in the house till the kids are through school or the youngest reaches 21 years old. I will then sell the house and split the proceed with a percentage based on the number of months each party paid into the house mortgage. I will also stipulate that within that period if I should die that my wife will receive full ownership of the house to do with as she sees fit.

I think this is only fair. I hope she sees it this way. I can at least feel good and sleep with this.

As a woman that's looking very fair. Shame my h wasn't so damn reasonable. He makes agreements then flops on them. Hence mediation, hence lawyers now. All those years he expected me to help with projects and $ and he marches in says I contributed 0.

I'm so over it I'm letting the lawyers decide.

[Lifes Twists]

Thanks T and D,

I was sitting here last night in my house with a bunch of kids around me having fun, laughter and such. My oldest was at the table doing her class registration for the spring semester. My wife calls our oldest and my oldest starts asking questions to help her make decisions on courses. In the back ground kids are laughing and having good time. Eventually my wife asks to talk to youngest, middle daughter is at work. They talk a couple minutes, but daughter wants to go back to having fun so ends convo and hands off to oldest again. I sat there the whole time, surrounded by all the laughter and warmth and was sad. Sad that my wife has chosen to be a mother from a distance and not being there to take in these moments. I wonder what goes through her head when she hears the background laughter and such. Really too bad the choices she has made.

[TSquared2]

I get that sadness every now and then too, when the kids have their triumphs at school, or video game, etc, lol!

It comes around less and less as time flows.

The holidays are going to be interesting, first season without stbxw, I am going on overdrive and 4X4 to create new traditions around the house, show the kids that life does keep going, and maybe can be better than it was.

Hang in there!

[Lifes Twists]

Thanks T2,

My daughters are asking me to keep the traditions we had going.They missed them last year. The other day my middle daughter asked if we were going to have a real Christmas tree this year. Last year they really had nothing down at the apartment. On Wednesday I took all three down to NYC for our annual per Christmas trip. We had a good time as usual. I do feel bad wife is missing out, but grateful I still get to do this with my three daughters. Our new tradition will be to add some lights to the outside of the house this year. I used to put on a very huge light display in a public place every year and never had the time to put something on at our house with my kids. This year will be the beginning of something new.

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Everyone,

I feel a lot of good vibes coming from the board right now when I read the posts. I would like to add to that and hope it spreads to others.

Things for me are mostly quiet right now, which is a good thing. I have all three girls living with me right now. Originally the girls had other plans for Thanksgiving, but divine intervention stepped in and those plans have fallen through, so I will have them.

I started sending out resumes again last week for work. This past Monday I look at a source for jobs that I had never looked at before and found many that looked promising. Sent out 2 resumes to one place listed Monday afternoon. Received a response next morning. The person contacted me even though they were on vacation for the week. Indicated they were interested and would be in contact next week.

I finally seem to have gotten through to my attorney to not drag his feet. Told him what my limit is and if he goes through it he is welcome to finish the divorce pro bono. I feel strongly that this needs to be finished so it is no longer my wifes focus.

So, many things are looking good right now. Hopefully I will be able to report I am finally back at work. I am thankful I had the time off to get my head cleared up, but now ready to get back out there.

I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. I know I have stuff to be thankful for and hope you do too.

[Lifes Twists]

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone,

I am sitting here right now finishing a cup of coffee. My three daughters are upstairs sleeping. I am getting set to prepare the big meal. There will be eight here for dinner. I baked two pies yesterday and I am about to start getting the rolls ready so they can rise over the course of the day. Soon I will get the grill going, prepare the turkey, and put it on the grill to roast.

What a change from a year ago. To have the majority of my family back together for the holiday was unthinkable. I have a lot to be thankful for. Considering that I had basically lost my family, was looking at a double lung transplant and many other things this past year, I am lucky to be standing on my own two feet. To actually be where I am can't be put into words. Who knows what the future will bring, hopeful more up as it progresses.

[Georgiabelle]

That's great to hear, LT! Hope the day is super special. Enjoy your girls:-)

[ForeverYoung]

I have to say that I admire the way you are handling things, LT. I believe your attitude and perspective will take you far. I'm also happy you are able to enjoy the day with your family.