Just like that

[HPoirot]

eleven... don't take that "asking if it's ok that she leaves for the night to go see him" from your W! Don't take that! Every time she does that and you answer... you are pushing your wife out the door. She can't even say that to you. You are not her friend while she is doing this. She has to see you moving away from her and taking that friendship away for your M to have any chance. Please check out my sitch as Wonka suggests. That was the hardest few days of my life and there's no guarantees after. She's asking b/c she wants to get what she wants and still be friends with you. Don't do it. Stand up for you M and tell her she is being disrespectful. She won't like it... you will lose any affection you still get from her (in the short term)... but she will respect you. You don't get love without earning respect.