Except for three or four things you mentioned, that was a description of me a few years ago.
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I have learned from your posts on other threads and mine how to act now when she's crying, shaking, and showing pain.
Just remember that when she does get serious about ending th contact with OM, and you two are piecing the M back together, she will need you to there for her in ways you really can't show when she's in an A. There will be times, you can afford to show a little more tenderness (in piecing) than you can during her waywardness. In piecing, you will be able to give her the comfort and assurances she seeks. You will be able to share activities again, and enjoy those good conversations. You will be able to show affection and do special things for her. She will need a lot of encouragement.
I bring this out, b/c I don't want you to misunderstand like one poster did, and think that you will have to be this distant from now on. He thought when I said no contact, I meant forever. As the relationship changes, you have to adjust. If she ends the A, then you certainly want to show her support and encouragement. You will want to cooperate with seeking help with getting the M back on track.
A woman always needs her H's strength (even when she thinks she doesn't want him), but there are different ways of showing her. When she's in an A, you have to be strong, firm, controlled, confident, stable and calm. We women need our men to be the rock that holds us up. We need them to be stronger than we are, whether there is an A or not.
You said you know now she won't stop contacting OM. Why do you say that? I thought maybe I missed something.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
