Thank you for the support. I sure needed it. Uffda.
This week has been weird. I feel a shift. I don't know what it is. Things are different. Not bad, just different. I'm being still.
I cried a bunch.
Laughed with my kids.
Went to my first "real" wine tasting with a new friend and had a terrific time.
Scheduled a brunch for Sunday with another great friend.
Another S18 moves out of state in one week.
S16 got his first gf.
D13 is learning how to DB away from the drama of her middle school friends.
Xh fiancé (very insecure, poor thing) thinks xh wants to get back together with me. They are now fighting almost daily. She says she is threatened by the bond we have of the kids. I don't know what xh has said to her. If she only knew my head and my heart. She would not worry.
MLC H is still reaching out to me quite often. I sense he is merely testing the waters, and wondering whether I have moved on. Nothing of any real value. He has been more positive and complimentary lately. Then it's sometimes followed with a resentment kind of thing. Like, "hmmm.... You never did that when we were together." That.
He told me his Thanksgiving plans. His dad and SM will be at her kids' on Thanksgiving, so their side of the family dinner will be Sunday. He asked what the kids and I are doing Thursday. He wanted to know if I had plans in the evening, and would I like to "stop by" sometime, maybe after the football game. I said I would see how our day goes, and yes, I would like to.
I will probably have many of you here telling me I should have said no. I know. I don't want to say no. I want to go. I want to see him.
Here's the thing: I truly don't expect my M to reconcile. I don't expect H to wake up anytime soon. I fully accept that this mess will most likely end in D.
However, I'm in a good place with myself, my job, my kids, my life. Every interaction H and I have had recently has been short, and positive.
I would like to keep things in limbo for now. I need to buy time, financially. If he D me, I will struggle with health benefits and other stuff I would rather not...at least until I establish myself in my new job, and hopefully increase my salary. Since I don't depend on H for child support, I am financially better off waiting it out for now. I hope that doesn't sound cold.... I am better able to care for myself and my kids this way. I am doing what I feel I need to do.
In other news.....I'm being pursued and somewhat stalked on fb messenger by an old HS acquaintance ... It will go nowhere. I mean, who does that???? I'm not interested. And he knows this. He does not live in my state, anyway. That didn't stop him from promising me a huge house designed by him, new car, boat, and the moon.....it doesn't make any sense. Desperate? Delusional? Newly D is all I know....
For the record, I would live in a tent, or a refrigerator box, if it were with a loving, fully integrated man that I love.
Oh! And....I'm pretty sure this character is in his own MLC right now!! Wtf? Gross.
