New to DB - Need Help! Pt 2

[NH115]

Rzr,

I think it is good that you guys are seeing MC together. What I am wondering is if the MC has some training in sexual issues. I am not saying a sex therapist, but rather a therapist who can assist you and your W in navigating through the very sitch you described about your parents.

Your W needs to decide to continue holding on to the notion that your parents MUST change or else. I mean, my former ILs were pretty conservative Catholics and I didn't begrudge them for their beliefs. In my view, your W is too tied up in trying to change your parents' values and views.

Yeah, I do think that they went waaaay overboard in meddling with your parenting styles and going off on Jerry Sandusky. It is patently obvious that they have some sexual hang ups that unfortunately spilled over in your home.

Heck, I took baths with my mother and cousins when I was a kid. I am perfectly fine. I love the fact that your W is very comfortable with her body and there's no shame in it at all. You two are great in that area.

As the saying goes, not only are you marrying your wife/husband, but you're also marrying their family. So true!

Yeah, I never had any issues with the girls bathing with my W. It was good bonding time for them, it was often a jumping off point for my W's talks with them about their changing bodies, etc. It was no big deal to us. I never once even considered that my parents were in the right about this situation. My W is not angry with me because she thinks I agree with them, she's angry because my defense wasn't effective enough.

I'm not sure exactly what my parent's hangups are. My mother especially is the kind of person who looks for things to be worried about. Part of rationale for making this into a big deal was the news stories about kids making offhand remarks and bringing the wrath of Child Services down on innocent parents. I've read those news stories too, but in the grand scheme of things, there are far bigger risks in life.

My mother grew up with an alcoholic father; she's alluded to "secrets" in the past. I wonder if something else was going on with her or a sibling. I won't ask, I'm not sure I want to know. In addition, an uncle of mine (whom I see about once a year) is in treatment for sex addiction. She doesn't dislike my entire family, but they seem to be creeping her out. In her mind, I'm just one of "them".

My parents make her so uncomfortable and make her feel "dirty" (her words) that she wants them out of her life, and right now she views me as acceptable collateral damage. She's terrified that I will grow up to be just like them and I'll want the same kind of life they do. It's nonsensical, but she's pretty nonsensical right now.

I'm hoping that the MC can get into this in more detail soon. My W initially (although I don't think she thinks that now) saw the OM as a chance to escape from her husband and his freaky family and start over with someone healthy. Never mind that he would need to leave his wife first, and never mind that she has exactly ZERO clue about him or his family. They could make mine look normal for all she knows.

My wife is all about MC, but she won't entertain the idea of IC, even though she needs it badly.